Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Meaning of EEK

I truly have no issue with the existence of the "PMN" or it's ability to sustain. But as a representative, an accidentally self proclaimed Music Defender and a longtime armchair philosopher in the case of media revolution, it's impossible not to use the word "eek" when referring to the PMN. Somehow in all of this, the indy labels have been vilified by the misconception that the only real independent music is that which is loaded into podsafe or even cdbaby.

I haven't drawn full conclusions yet about the expo, i learned a great deal. So without soap boxing before i've synthesized the information to my own satisfaction, here is a list of some points floating about my mind, usually when i'm on a run...now it's a blog.


1. mobile technology is the shit. i mean, really. we're in motion, it's about motion. simple stuff. sick software. hardware catching up...i'm looking forward to working from amsterdam or alaska. what if i took a call from mt. mckinley but not til after i recorded my audioblog from my treo or blackberry or sidekick to let my mom know i summitted. it could happen. the only thing stopping that situation is me, and not being fit enough to get up the mountain. which would never happen.

2. Digital media does not equal the elimination of a human element. "New Media" is about the human element, but taken up a notch. Consumer is king. And this is why podshow renders an "eek" from me. While every spokesperson has every freedom to lead and play the role of pied piper, I believe i am smart enough to know the difference between the creation of a corporate media in the digital world versus the other option: to embrace all indy media. to accept the revolution as it happens, not take advantage of it.

that's a bit vague. I'll get clearer.

In fact, it's time for specifics.

check this out

the "un expo" immediately capitalized on this bogus vein of marketing - that the underground is anti.....everything. if the expo charges for booths (which happens at ALL conferences) then let's have an "un" expo. if an audition sounds scary, we'll call it the Podshow "un" dition (but how is it not an audition? it's american idol for podcasters....which is neat...but how is it not an audition?) isn't that sorta....perpetuating the problem in general american media today - Keeping The Public Dumbed Down.

digital media and subscription based communication (and portable media), is a multi tiered platform where information is exchanged, synthesized and recycled. the beauty is that there is choice, and i'm proud to defend indy labels - some are definitely operating like assholes. douchebags, even. but that's just business. I've always supported indy art and representing the indy label is part of that support.

The added spin from podshow of a sentiment exuding this is the real indy network reminds me of, well, mtv. and mtv is not what indie music was ever about. Doesn't everyone remember? why are they getting curry's autograph when he hosted a very contrived barely indy headbanger's ball?

the (possibly inadvertent) result of the PMN marketing campaign is the vilification of many indy labels, and therefore indy artists, who worked hard to push their career in the indy music environment and are now embracing a new world of zeros and ones.

I've met some amazing people who are associated with podshow and i respect them, look forward to exchanging ideas and notions and music. I am not opposed to good music. at any time. ever. My preferences run the gamut. When i meet a new person it's usually the first thing i ask them about. So this is me, and somehow i've become the music defender for a living. Defending indy labels to the community who finally has a chance to bubble up ALL indy content, to the exclusion of no other. Please check out The Sundresses on CD Baby, a band i happily managed! without a label! and please please also do yourself a favor and learn about Birdman Records. All at the same time. Evolve. Don't Perpetuate The Problem.

MissWanda is Busted

holy cow cc chapman found my cynical cynical cynical, mostly hidden i had hoped, bloggin blog! um. what do i do now. i think i need to start a podcast and be done with it. or host a party or something. maybe i should take words like "douchebag" when alluding to professional situations out of my entries.

I'm on the stern model i guess.

Subscription based communication is infectious. I'd forgotten what a buncha smarties i was dealin' with. And thank goodness for that.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Thanks, Buzzo



some music was meant to be heard whilst moving very very very very fast.

Blanca Peak....

with the conf fresh out of my head after a great run this morning....it's time to move forward. there are 39 cds sitting on my desk to which i must listen before the end of the week. i love my job.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Ontario. California.

Not sure how i feel about this new template on my blog without photos, it's awfully white, but who has the time or gumption to post a photo of ontario. I've seen enough blackmail material on flickr to satisfy me for at least 2 weeks.

Ontario, CA is almost as big a shithole as Los Angeles, except without the VIP lines or even the bars. which makes it worse. I have no idea why there's an airport in Ontario, but it makes an ok place for a conference in that the attendees are forced to communicate with one another lest they forget they are there for a reason. Sure, SXSW is the best conference (in the USA) ever, but that's Austin. Ontario made a good home for the podcast and mobile media communities.

Between the all night train (it reminded me of South Carolina, where a train passed by my dorm every night at all hours) and the lion head of adam-douchebag-curry it was a weekend i'll not soon brush off.

Met some great people and reached some fine-ass semi-conclusive philosophical opinions about podcasting and digital media in general. Got lots on my mind regarding the topic. But after getting a shitload of free griffin gear, i think i may record my thoughts and post them quite soon....

next year in jerusalem. or ontario. either or.

well, shoot, ok here's one pic. well, two. me w/ CC Chapman of Accident Hash podcast i'll make it even harder, you have to copy and paste the url. you must work for the love. work for it.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cc_chapman/62821956/in/set-1337822/

update: that was really lazy to just put the url up like that. this i do know.

corey and marisol: http://www.flickr.com/photos/madpod/63191339/

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Digital News Highlight 11/9/05

Eff disney, but still.....


ABC Bolsters Digital Presence, Offers "Lost" Podcast

ABC has just launched its official "Lost" podcast, just weeks after making
videos of the hit TV series available through the iTunes Music Store. The
podcast will feature exclusive interviews with cast members, and is anchored
by series creator Damon Lindelof and executive producer Carlton Cuse. Each
weekly podcast will tease fans about what's coming next in the series, and
answer questions from "Lost" viewers. The first episode features Josh
Holloway (Sawyer) and Daniel Dae Kim (Jin), who'll discuss what happened
when they filmed the raft scenes. Initially, the podcasts will be available
directly from ABC.com, but will also be available starting November 15th on
iTunes.

The move adds further strength to the seemingly growing relationship between
Apple and ABC/Disney. ABC is so far the only major media firm to agree to
sell TV shows - including "Lost" and "Desperate Housewives" - through
Apple's digital media service. However, recent reports have suggested that
CBS is discussing similar plans. Separately, CBS and NBC will soon offer
99-cent downloads of top shows, though the programs are only viewable for a
finite period of time, and are confined to the television.

Story by news analyst Jonny Evans.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

QOTSA news

please dont take a break please dont take a break please dont take break please dont take a break

from Pitchfork:

QOTSA's Josh Homme Discusses Future Plans

Caroline Bermudez reports:
Wouldn't you want to take a break if you lost two friends, underwent knee surgery, got sued, coughed up blood, and were about to have a kid? This year has been, shall we say, memorable for Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme. After nine full-throttle years, Homme will finally take a break in January and February of 2006 to concentrate on being a father to his unborn child with fiancée Brody Dalle of the Distillers.

In a phone interview with Pitchfork last week, Homme also revealed that there will be two more Queens shows in Los Angeles to cap off the year, as well as one more "renegade" gig, possibly in Toronto. He will also drum with side project Eagles of Death Metal for a few shows. Furthermore, Homme said there are plans to release live material from the band's self-titled debut, Rated R, and follow-up, Songs for the Deaf, online.

Hoping that "next year will be about creating instead of being a salesman," Homme enthusiastically expressed a wish to work with producer extraordinaire the RZA and electro raunch maven Peaches, whom Homme says, "rocks harder than almost every guy I've ever seen." Maybe a new genre can be born out of all this: stoner metal dance-hop?

Homme admits the band's latest album, Lullabies to Paralyze has been "divisive," referring to his acrimonious split with founding member and bassist Nick Oliveri. On his relationship with Oliveri, Homme said, "I love Nick, but I am not on good terms with him." When asked if there was a chance for a reunion, Homme replied that it was only possible if there was "any chance of his head getting together."

As previously reported, the Queens' first DVD/CD, the live set Over the Years and Through the Woods, will be out November 22. The package contains no overdubs and was filmed in London. Homme says that the UK was the first country to embrace QOTSA because of its "dry sense of humor." For a band that describes its music as "equal parts stupid and cerebral without pretension," dry humor is a must. That and lots and lots of, um, substances.

Comparing the band to Ween, Homme described QOTSA's modus operandi like so: "I don't know where it's going, but it's going to where it's supposed to go." Confucius couldn't have said it better.

We do know where they're going for the next week or so, and that's on the final stretch of their current tour with Nine Inch Nails. Here are those dates, one more time:

11-08 Boston, MA - Fleet Center *
11-09 Boston, MA - Newbury Comics (renegade show)
11-10 Toronto, Ontario - Air Canada Center *
11-11 Montreal, Quebec - Bell Centre *
11-14 Winnipeg, Manitoba - MTS Centre *
11-16 Edmonton, Alberta - Rexall Arena *
11-17 Calgary, Alberta - Saddledome Arena *
11-19 Oakland, CA - Oakland Arena *

* with Nine Inch Nails, Death From Above 1979, Autolux

* Queens of the Stone Age: http://www.qotsa.com/

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Monsters In the Parasol

November 19th, 2005 QOTSA will be in Oakland and I will be there. It's what i'm hungry for. a QOTSA show. If the tickets weren't so damn pricey i'd drive all over, maybe even take plane rides to see them. but hot damn, November 19 is the day.


Just when i think i've abandoned the concept of freeform subscription based communication to 2 friends by way of a this ridiculous pink blog, i free myself from chains and listen to Rated R. Rated R. it's all about bending notes. it's about tone. it's about sending a pulse up through the libido with the manipulation of a single strng.. get comfy down on the floor and listen to this entire record - Rated R - really really really loud.


The Lost Art of Keeping A Secret

Monday, October 17, 2005

Spoony

Alcatraz. a new love of mine.

it's the big spoon escape to which i've been clinging. Frank Morris and the Anglin Brothers. 3 men, 3 home-made spoons, 3 holes in the wall, never seen again.

did they drown? no one knows

did they live? no one knows

but aside from harvesting the only "successful" escape from alcatraz, these men bubbled an unwitting spiritualism to the surface of jail time.

the alcatraz audio tour utilizes interviews from former guards as well as 2 former prisoners. One of the prisoners recalled the men who were slowly digging holes in their walls were "always happy, all those years, they never seemed like they had a care"

the resonation of their happiness got me thinking about buddhism, Judaism, the tao of -isms, and the spiritual nature of knowing (and seeing) a larger picture. These men KNEW their plan, they KNEW it would take them years to execute, they KNEW they were using a homemade spoon to dig through concrete, and they were able to quell their anger with their knowledge during their stay at The Rock.

We are on the "outside" physically, but we remain locked in the cavernous matrix of our own material desires. We are americans. We just fell witness to the death of an american dream in the bowels of Katrina, as americans died in their homes, streets, and stadiums. "No Child Left Behind" was exposed as a joke; entire populations and "lower class" neighborhoods were left behind to die. Money. Consumerism. . . lessons in alcatraz?

I need to lock my mind up, put it on its own rock, and get out my spoon, start digging my way out of the infectious evils that consumerism breeds. Always something better, always something more. just buy a new one if it breaks. Always something better, always something more. But "something more" in healthy terms is a notion, a knowledge, a vision. It's obvious but so difficult to obtain. It's the Socratic light outside the cave, it's the images which appear as light meets dark.

it's 99 luft balloon.

Friday, October 07, 2005

4 8 15 16 23 42

here's the Dharma Initiative video

http://thehansofoundation.org/dharma.html

does he say Namaste at the end?

All Tomorrow's Parties

I'm heavily distracted this morning by fantasies of attending this event in sussex.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Monday, October 03, 2005

5765 - 5766

and then it came time to reflect. I've hurt feelings, made gross mistakes. betrayed the tenants of my own philosophies, consumed microwaved food, ingested corn syrup when i know the truth of its origin, insulted out of defense, Wasted energy. bargained for too much. Haven't spent enough time calling family and friends. Worked to hard. refused to give up. learned and read and read and learned. It's been a wonderous year of change, nuance, love, pain, triumph and the ever prevailing impediment of Fear. Embraced the long tail. A year like no other. A rotation among many. And so it was that it was time to reflect.


Sunset is still 7 1/2 hours away.

L'Shana Tova

Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Theory of Green

i wore my green qotsa wife-beater today. it's 85 degrees in SF. And when i got to the BART station i felt a little bright. I wasn't really in a green mood. it's a little too much color for me today, i thought. I am really in a black or gray mood, feelin very happy, but happier in the shadow for a bit. It's too early to be overt. And to stay in the shadow, one must blend. Had i followed the going fashion as evidenced by the rush hour goers at the BART station (all prepped for their days at school/ work or wherever they were off to...) I would have stuck with my black or gray. could have looked just like them. but i wore Green. almost by accident. wished i had on black for just a moment, just to blend. but...green....why do i care? It's not "in" maybe?

Well.. thank goodness for trite thoughts even if rooted in vanity, as such synaptic snaps may lead to a wiser understanding of the world around us. So here they are. those thoughts. In the world i am creating.

In everything we do as humans we exhibit our tendency for varying degrees of mass hysteria. Whether we attend a baseball game and participate in the wave (everyone else is doing it) or cheer for the home team even if its only a temporary home - as humans we are showing our tendency toward cohesive behavior. the only real terminology for this is "mass hysteria" - so from this point forward "mass hysteria" refers to cohesive patterns of behavior. Whether or not you consider it hysteria, well, that's the world you create. for yourself.

Fashion is simply one more form of mass hysteria disguised as acceptable - in our consumer's paradise we manufacture goods and naturally create our own cycles based not on need but innate tendencies to conform in varying ways. We don't indulge in simple wool or even leather, we add flair. but not consistent flair - the clothes we don in certain eras, the "style" of the "time" ebbs and flows like any other facet of universal nature. Puppets of the star, we are. Fashion is an energy like any other and goes through cycles and migrations.

for example, AliB will be full of laughter to learn that the blazer and tie for women (a residue of the 80s) is back in full swing according the old navy display window at market & 4th in SF. I swore to never engage in that look again, and i was smart enough to know it was unattractive at age 9. But it's all the rage again. Another obvious cycle. But what fuels it.

Neon was basically back "in" this summer. Bright colors. and even le sport sacs came back. in bright colors. perhaps the colors we pick in large numbers as a cohesive consumerist society reflect the general mood of the mass subconscious. As a nation we exist, at some level, as a single unit. We share an understanding we cannot yet define, but we are members of our nation. And recently the color black is "in." neon went out as fast as you can say "sub par approval ratings, finally" - general malaise affects our cohesive psyche on the subconscious level. and with the need to consume each season and settle for sub par manufacturing of our clothing, this season yields, thus far, a need to blend in. with each other.

Sucking our energies from the same light, existing in a society we allow ourselves to maintain, we cannot stop the osmosis of our subconscious.

May The Force Be With You.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

You Should Grow Like An Onion

NYT review of:
BORN TO KVETCH
Yiddish Language and Culture in All of Its Moods
By Michael Wex
303 pages. St. Martin's Press. $24.95.
St. Martin's Press

i bolded my favorite sentences, mainly because they tickled my neurons. great review of a book i will soon purchase.


The New York Times Books
Link to article

By WILLIAM GRIMES
Published: September 28, 2005

Most children watching "The Three Stooges" didn't realize it, but an understanding of Yiddish was required to get a lot of the jokes. In one episode, when Larry hears that Moe is heading to a hockshop, he says, "While you're there, hock me a tshaynik." What must have sounded like pure nonsense to most viewers was a Yiddish pun, one that Michael Wex, in his wise, witty and altogether wonderful "Born to Kvetch," lays on the table for analysis.


A "tshaynik" is a teakettle. "Hak," or "huk," comes from a verb meaning "to knock." What's the connection? Imagine a boiling teakettle. The more it boils, the emptier it gets, and the louder and more annoyingly the lid bangs. The very popular phrase "Hak mir nisht ken tshaynik" literally means "Don't knock me a teakettle." Figuratively, as Mr. Wex translates it, it means "you don't have to shut up completely, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop rattling on about the same damned thing all the time."

Mr. Wex, a Yiddish translator, university teacher, novelist and stand-up comic, has many such examples up his sleeve, but "Born to Kvetch" is much more than a greatest-hits collection of colorful Yiddish expressions. It is a thoughtful inquiry into the religious and cultural substrata of Yiddish, the underlying harmonic structure that allows the language to sing, usually in a mournful minor key.

Yiddish is the language par excellence of complaint. How could it be otherwise? It took root among Jews scattered across Western Europe during the Middle Ages and evolved over centuries of persecution and transience. It is, Mr. Wex writes, "the national language of nowhere," the medium of expression for a people without a home. "Judaism is defined by exile, and exile without complaint is tourism," as Mr. Wex neatly puts it.

To be Jewish, in other words, is to kvetch. If the Rolling Stones' "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" had been translated into Yiddish, Mr. Wex writes, "it would have been called'(I Love to Keep Telling You That I Can't Get No) Satisfaction (Because Telling You That I'm Not Satisfied Is All That Can Satisfy Me).' "

Mr. Wex finds a second source of Yiddish's prevailing tone in the Torah and its attached Talmudic commentary. The Jews who transmuted German into Yiddish were steeped in Jewish law, whose style and phraseology made their way into the developing language and put down deep roots. Yiddish thrives on argument, hairsplitting and arcane points of law and proper behavior. Half the time, Yiddish itself is the object of dispute, a language, Mr. Wex writes, "in which you can't open your mouth without finding out that, no matter what you're saying, you're saying it wrong."

When you get it right, it can be a beautiful thing. Or a lethal weapon. Yiddish excels at the fine art of the insult and the curse, or klole, which Mr. Wex, in a chapter titled "You Should Grow Like an Onion," calls "the kvetch-militant." Americans generally stick to short, efficient four-letter words when doling out abuse. Yiddish has lots of those, too, and it abounds in terse put-downs like "shtik fleysh mit oygn." Applied to a stupid person, it means "a piece of meat with eyes." More often, though, Yiddish speakers, like the Elizabethans, like to exploit the full resources of the language when the occasion requires.

Yiddish is rich in curses that, at their best, leave just enough to the imagination to keep the recipient tossing and turning at night, poring over possible implications. "It isn't a matter of yelling out bad words; the trick is to put good ones together in the most damaging possible way," Mr. Wex explains.

A simple, American-style "drop dead" might be rendered as "a dismal animal death on you" ("a viste pgire af dir"), which, Mr. Wex, notes, carries the suggestion that "you should spend the rest of your tiny life in a Colorado feedlot, then be herded off to some nonunion slaughterhouse to be turned, painfully, into fast-food burgers for one of the less prominent chains."

Yiddish is not a "have a nice day" language. "How are you?," a perfectly innocent question in English, is a provocation in Yiddish, which does not lend itself to happy talk. "How should I be?" is a fairly neutral answer to the question. Theoretically it is possible to say "gants gut" ("real good"), but this is a phrase that the author says he has never heard in his life. "As a response to a Yiddish question, it marks you as someone who knows some Yiddish words but doesn't really understand the language," he writes.

It probably helps to know a little Yiddish to extract maximum enjoyment from "Born to Kvetch," but even readers with minimal "bacon Yiddish" ("schlep," "schmear," "maven" and the like) can appreciate vocabulary words like "kishke-gelt" (literally "gut money," earned by self-deprivation so extreme that it's ripped from the intestines) and expressions like "lakhn mit yashtsherkes," which means "laugh with the lizards" and refers to a bitter kind of jollity, the kind of laughter that keeps you from crying.

Mr. Wex has perfect pitch. He always finds the precise word, the most vivid metaphor, for his juicy Yiddishisms, and he enjoys teasing out complexities. His tour through the vocabulary of traditional punishments meted out to schoolchildren, collectively known as the "matnas yad," or "gift of the hand," may be his finest riff, a subtly differentiated taxonomy of pain that starts with the "knip" ("pinch") and proceeds to the "shnel" ("flick"), the "patsh" ("slap") the "zets" ("hard slap") and the "flem" ("resounding smack").

At the far end lies the "khmal" or "khmalye," "the all-out murder-one wallop that makes its victims 'zen kroke mit lemberik.' " It's so hard, in other words, that the student sees Krakow as his head snaps forward and Lemberg (present-day Lviv in Ukraine) on the return trip.

That hurts. But it's funny, too. All you can do is laugh with the lizards.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Literally.

today is 2fer Thursday on Not Shocking.
written 9/21/05

I love to laugh out of control. Sometimes (um, often) when i laugh really hard i snort. I can't help it. And that's funny. So then i keep laughing.

Maybe the ultimate moment would be when nary a care entered my mind and i could laugh, dance, and maybe even have an orgasm at the same time. is that possible? I'd like to try.

And the reason I'd like to try is because really, this matrix around us is what we create - and while transitions make this process more arduous, it's pure cowardice which prevents us from using the transition to better ourselves. Learn from everything. No regrets. I am who i am because of what i did and what i experienced and I am proud of it. And when all that heavy shit is said and done - just fucking laugh.

I was at a Catholic wedding a few yrs ago (longest weddings ever) and in the midst of a prayer-song (what are those things called) about jesus and man, i got the giggles. I literally could not stop laughing. A far more spiritual experience for me than dwelling on the torture of a carpenter gone rabbi. and the bride heard my giggles. and still remembers it as a happy moment.

As I'm typing this from work, a woman on the other end of the phone just asked me "is the addendum an addition to the contract or a replacement" - just one more thing to laugh about.

So here's David Cross. One of the hottest Jewish men to walk the earth who also makes me laugh out loud. literally.

Lost. The Show. Again.

Seems like just last week that i blogged about the season finale of Lost. And last night I was due to go to a rock show at a venue not more than 300 feet from the front door of my apartment. However, the TV was on ABC and I allowed myself to catch the season premier of Lost in my audio/visual periphery. With the first scene I was so easily sucked back in. Not victimized. a willing participant. Because even though i bitched about the season finale, I'm just as lost as the writers and characters, and I needed to open the hatch. I needed to graduate to a new plot level. I have unfinished business with "Lost." and the writers swept me off my feet.

One girl i know complained a few months ago that "they knocked the hot guy off too fast" - but for the record, the hottest men on the show are the doctor, and of course, the beautiful Sa'id. So all male-objectifying reviews aside, it's still pure eye candy satisfactory to this 32 year old woman with the sexual mind of a 17 year old boy.

I'm still fascinated by the choice of character names, those numbers, the co-mingling of characters prior to flight 815 on Oceanic Airlines. The overt appearance of the same numbers in each character's life, and the obsession with the hatch. It's open now. What will come out now that it's exposed? isn't this the question we all ask ourselves every so often? What if i am exposed? What does it mean to be exposed?

There was a time when i had recurring dreams about showing up at events without my shirt on. A very very common image, we've all heard about those kinds of dreams. But as one who experienced them, and sometimes (but rarely) still does, i am compelled to tell you what it felt like. In the dream, I had no idea i was topless. Until i looked down. and found myself exposed. and mortified. In the dream, each time it happened, i was forced to problem solve. I had to take the test, or finish the task, completely exposed, topless and nervous. But in each dream, i finished.

Maybe my love of "lost" is the unknown nature of the entire show. It rarely makes sense, yet it seems to exhibit enough patterns to keep me intrigued. A curious intellect thrives on questions. the plot of "lost" is based on inquisitive instincts comingled with standard television programming. The characters are all beautiful to look at, and the women seem to have found an endless stream of lip gloss even while stranded on a deserted island. Still, as far as television programming goes, this this is going to make a great dvd addition to my collection....

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Sexy Results

Good things are afloat at the circle not shocking. Dancing is already planned later in the week, twice, and the Redskins beat Dallas 14-13 last night. So I come to you with Sexy Results and decent reports of intrigue.

Of note:

- I am a direct descendant of an actual dancing bear.

- I finally got to watch the L word. please watch it. male, female, it's just plain hot. Also nice to have an opportunity to catch a glimpse at lesbian relationships in real terms, not simple pornography. Try it out.

- things are really busy, today's blog is a bust. something wiser on the morrow.

- Get Sexy Results here

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

And his name is Francois K. At about 11:30pm a Friend and i headed to the meat packing district where we indulged in caffeine, avoided alcohol, and headed over to Cielo to check out Francois K and a special appearance from Philly's rising Hip Hop Poet, Ursula Rucker. Ursula started at around midnight and raised the psychic aptitude of Club Cielo for about 45 minutes against the dub of Francois K. I started moving my body at around 11:42 pm, swayed and physically experienced Ursula, and danced danced danced non-stop except to grab vitamin water and 2 bathroom breaks - til 4 in the morning - when the club was most unfortunately closed. And I'd forgotten about dancing until Francois K saved my life. A little dramatic? Yes but not really and here is why.

First off, I now know what's missing from my life. Dancing. Boulder was the last place i really danced my arse off to the tune of decent DJs and creative scratching. Last night (rather, this morning)I remembered why I loved it then, and thought more deeply about the void in my everyday life since I stopped setting my mind and body free in this way. There's a reason for the infamous "rave scene" in The Matrix Reloaded. Men and women in tribal garb, no shoes, all lovers of freedom, all without chains, living in zion, making and experiencing love freely, the sound of Fluke raising the consciousness of zion to true freedom, before a time of terror. When the freed people of zion are dancing, barefoot in the mud of reality, they are truly uplifted, and beyond the confines of the matrix. Last night a DJ saved my life and for over 4 hours i rose above the chains of my day, the burdens of stress (what's that?) and saved a wretch like me. It was a night of epiphany, a call to action by miss Ursula Rucker to challenge organized freedom and "Wake The Fuck Up." over and over she told us to do it. Wake The Fuck Up. Wake The Fuck Up. Wake The Fuck Up.

No alcohol, just vitamin water, til 4am.

Last night a dj woke me up. In the meat packing district.

So it's time to share the greatest cell phone/ internet tool ever. Well, thus far. Ok, maybe the greatest internet/ cell tool of 2005. And it too will open your world. It's not very well known. In fact, it's interesting to watch the way it is spreading. for example, possibly 2 people will read this far, maybe a few more but not much, and at least one will try this trick. that one person is likely to share the info. But the best i can do is speak for myself - and all i can say is i couldn't wait to share this with you, those 2 or maybe more people. Ok, get this -

Google Text

if you text this number:
46645
into your phone, and hit send (yes it works with sprint) you are txting an inquiry (for free) to google.

enter your search terms as the text for your txt msg. for example, last night to get the exact address of a destination, my Friend and i txt'd the above number with the search terms as our message. We typed in "Cielo, New York New York" - within 30 - 60 seconds i received a txt message - google txt'd me back the top 2 search results from it's directory. boom, we had the street address and number of the club. Fuck 411. The phone company is dying, the digital age hath dawned.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Killing the Nano...?

greetings from New York City where i was able to eat a nice meal last night after 10pm. Because of today's schedule there is less time to write and so....here is a link to an article about Killing the Nano. Or at least trying to. PC enthusiasts may enjoy the idea, but be careful, that new little black beast of nanotechnology is a monolith to some. Find out why as it dies a slow death in the hands of reverse engineers.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Three Days, Three Ways


I'm not too pleased with today's entry, it goes well with the world's crappiest kugel which i made on saturday (truly the worst i've ever ever made. so bad that the goyim loved it.) - but even barry bonds strikes out 7 of 10 times. And that's what's cool about baseball. Here's what's on my bloggin' brain at the moment:

Don't Tell Me My Sister's Ugly, Get Her A Date.

yesterday's post may have sounded a bit cold hearted snakey with regard to NOLA. Perhaps a little clarification and brief elaboration will transform the tone into a more accurate reflection of the philosophical intent behind my words.

Katie Couric? No.

WikiNews? Yes.

Oprah Winfrey? No...but...there are housewives out there who love oprah so much they cry when they see her, so if Oprah inspires more donations, then, on some level yes...

Mario Tama? Yes.

Sean Penn? No.

Robin Quivers? Yes.

Good Morning America? No.

The Daily Show? Yes.



We can choose what we let in. We can choose how we assimilate it and subsequent action. Often the easiest choice is one which requires less work or effort or sacrifice or love. with great power comes great responsibility. this responsibility extends to our choices. easy way out or work for it? ABC news or John Stewart? the effort is up to each individual. I feel better when i tend and foster what i know is wise and beautiful, even if it presents an unknown result and requires effort. Going with an expected result is an easy choice. When applied to media sources, what this means is clear: we already know what ms. couric will say and how she will say it.

this entry is nothing if not just a babble or a way to give you an intro into wiki news. and that's because this is a blog.

That said,
It's time to Testify.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Big Time - and Steve Jobs calls Madonna?



when the alarm went off this morning, Bjork's "big time sensuality" was just starting - at exactly the same time - on the radio station. i rose to the sweet sweet apropos sound of....

Big Time Sensuality


I can sense it
something important
is about to happen
it's coming up

it takes courage to enjoy it
the hardcore and the gentle
big time sensuality

we just met
and I know I'm a bit too intimate
but something huge is coming up
and we're both included

It takes courage
to enjoy it the hardcore and the gentle
big time sensuality

I don't know my future
after this weekend
and I don't want to

It takes courage
to enjoy it the hardcore and the gentle
big time sensuality


just when i think i'm out, the universe, the big frakkin picture, pulls me right back in. I create my day, but synchronicity creates me. Big Time Sensuality also happens to be a very cool video. Bjork is about the size of my pinky finger, but, a child piano playing prodigy, she channels the operatic sound of a thousand years, comingled with the nuance of modern art.

These are strange times. NOLA is having an effect on everyone, subconsciously or overtly - And i've been avoiding it all as much as possible, keeping on a news black out of sorts. Maybe i've had my fill of death for the summer, but i can't seem to engage in the media circus that has become the NOLA situation. Oprah parading around with cameras and celebs? puh-leez. While i'm completely emotionally stranded when i consider the realities for the city and people and pets of new orleans, it's not because i can't accept it, i merely formed a new perspective on North East West South and it's relationship to the decline of western civ as we know it. So much information to assimilate. So much to synthesize. So many people to talk to - i'll regress any day of the week to make a new friend, a new little sister-type, I'll make my mistakes, I'll learn from them, but i won't allow a censored press corps influence my already miniscule role in the overall universe. All the heartache we experience as selfish people, roaming around, breaking hearts, creating pressures, assigning blame, playing the victim - we are just adding to the sound that is earth. Somewhere there is a radio telescope or some similar contraption, and it is listening to our sound. we sound like static. We can choose to sing.

So fuck oprah and sean penn and these assholes who use NOLA as an excuse for a photo op. I will assimilate this properly without letting it have an unnecessary effect on my personal decisions so as to actively play a role in the betterment of planetary psyche. the media is bullshit, wants me to know i'm just another pretty face behind a boob tube, treats me like a number, an arbitron rating for performance. The media is a coward, employing censorship instead of engaging in human realism. it's beneath me, it's beneath you. but still there's a truth, which is.....It takes courage to enjoy it. And enjoy i shall. The bullshit is not just behind me, it's far far far beneath me. and you, too!

In the vein of Big Time Sensuality, have a lookie loo at the new iPod Motorola phone and the new iPod Nano - the mini has already been eliminated from the iPod website and the nano was just announced this morning. check out the live blog from apple's announcement, which includes a call from Steve Jobs to Madonna. That's Hot. click here

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Kabbalah and Free Will

Following a most laborious end to an otherwise pleasurable weekend, I woke to a brand new stern and my brain spinning. Thoughts of predestination, self determination, cowardess and free will scrolling like a looping marquee. I've tried to learn from each experience, tried to implement the rule of "aristocrats" to life, reveling in this "new beginning" i've forged...although it was galvanized by happenstance and luck - but all the while i'm making every effort to apply the 'law of the aristocrats' - forget about the bookends, it's the content between. but....what about when an individual is compelled to move in a certain direction, regardless of cliche "red flags" or alarms that the 'the law of aristocrats' is not a mutual system of belief. love, being undefinable, creeps in and has a way of messing up the plan. and what is love if not universal intervention? Old love, new love, it's all so different and pure and coincidental and beautiful. is there any FREE WILL in love? Love - It restarted the matrix in the "revolutions" cinematic debacle. It invades space only to create a whole new arena - and it can't be stopped. Why is it painful? Why do we suffer for peace and love? Is it necessary? Accepting the end of old love, and embracing new love is quite the challenge for many people, and some can't engage in the unruly emotion at all - it's always unknown. an anomaly? it's a risk without the option of calculation. It makes people want each other in animalistic ways and the result can predictably be pain, forcing each party to challenge themselves just enough to foster the discovered uniqueness of a cosmic connection so as to result in pleasures. Enforcing any rule, even if it's a rule of absenteeism, only tempts fate to barge in and regain it's reign over one's future. I turned to Kabbalah, trying to figure out more about free will and the inner teachings from the ba'al shem tov on the matter... and this is what i found:


Is there free will?

An ancient prayer says: “Lord! Give me strength to change the things I can change, give me courage to accept the things I cannot change, and grant me wisdom to know the difference”.
What exactly can we influence in our life? Do we possess enough freedom to change our destiny?
Why can’t we naturally obtain this wisdom?
Why, in spite of the fact that our nature is based on laziness and healthy egoism (desire to receive the maximum through minimal effort), unlike animals, do we perform thoughtless and ineffective actions?
Perhaps we act, where everything is pre-programmed, and our role must be a lot more passive?
Perhaps in most cases our life is pre-ordained, while we choose to believe that the course of events depends on us?
Perhaps we should transform our life and stop thinking that we are decision-makers, let it flow and remain passive, acting only when we can really change something?
Small children act unwisely, because their development occurs unconsciously, instinctively. An adult defines a goal, and the will to achieve that goal provides him with energy.
Evidently, we err in determining the limits of our abilities to achieve the goal. In other words, we wish to achieve the impossible or try to change what we can’t.
Nature doesn’t inform us in which of our actions we are really free. It allows us to make mistakes, both as individuals and as mankind. Its aim is to lead us to disillusionment in our own powers to change anything in this life and in ourselves. Nature wants to confuse and disorient us regarding how we should live on? Then we would stop and determine what we can really influ-ence.

FREE WILL

The essence of freedom

Generally speaking, freedom may be referred to as the law of nature, which runs through all aspects of life. We see how animals suffer in captivity. It testifies to nature’s protest against any form of enslavement. Mankind fought in wars for hundreds of years until it achieved some de-gree of personal freedom.
In any case, our idea of freedom is extremely vague, and if we delve deeper into it, almost nothing will be left of it. Before we demand personal freedom, we should presume each person aspires to it. First we need to make sure this or that person can exercise his free will.

Our life is between pleasure and suffering


If we analyze man’s actions, we’ll discover that none of them are free. Both his inner nature and outer circumstances compel him to act according to an algorithm of behavior rooted in him.
Nature placed us between pleasure and suffering, and we are not free to choose suffering or give up pleasure. With regard to animals man has the advantage of being able to see the distant goal, therefore he can agree to a certain amount of sufferings anticipating the future compensa-tion.

In fact, it’s nothing but a calculation, when, seeing the prospective benefit, we consent to suffer for the sake of possible pleasure. We agree to a surgical operation, even pay a lot of money for it; we are ready to work hard to acquire a good well-paying profession. Everything boils down to our reckoning, when we subtract suffering from the expected pleasure and receive a certain positive remainder.
This is the way we are designed. Those, who seem reckless, imprudent, self-sacrificing romantics are actually no more than calculating people, for whom the past manifests as the pre-sent so obviously that they are ready to accept anguish unusual for others, which we take as a heroic feat.
But in fact, even in this case our body makes a conscious or subconscious calculation. Psychologists know that each man’s priorities may be changed so that a coward will turn into a hero. The future may be so elevated in man’s eyes that he will agree to any kind of destitution for the sake of it.
From this it follows that there is no difference between man and animals; and if so, free and intelligent choice doesn’t exist.

Who determines our pleasures?


Not only have we hardly any free choice, but the character of pleasure is not our prerogative either. It doesn’t happen according to our free will, but is dictated by other people’s desires. We don’t choose fashion, a way of life, hobbies, leisure, food and so on – all this is imposed on us by the tastes and desires of our surroundings.
We prefer to behave simpler desires without burdening ourselves too much, but our entire life is constrained by manners accepted as the norm in society, which turn into the laws of human behavior and existence. If this is so, where is our free will then? It turns out that none of our ac-tions are rewarded or punished.
Why does everyone perceive himself as an individual? What is so special in each of us? Which of our properties can we independently change? If one does exist, we must by all means bring it to light, distinguish it from the rest of our properties and develop it.

Four factors


Each created being is determined by four factors:
1. The basis is a primary material of a particular being, from which it emerged. The un-changing properties of a basis are the order of its development, i.e. a decaying wheat grain calls forth a new sprout of the same kind. A grain rots – its outer form completely disappears, similar to our body, which disintegrates in the ground. However, the basis remains and gives birth to a new shoot, like our soul that compels a new body to be born so as to dress in it.
2. The unchanging properties of the basis. The basis (in our case a wheat grain) will never take the form of other cereals, say, barley, but only the previous form of wheat, which it lost. Depending on the environment (soil, water, fertilizing and the sun), certain quantitative and qualitative changes of the sprout are possible, but the form of wheat (i.e. the original essence) undergoes no changes at all.
3. The properties that change under the influence of the outer forces. Affected by external factors the outward form of the essence goes through qualitative changes – a grain remains a grain, but its outer shape gets transformed in accordance with the environmental conditions. Ad-ditional external factors joined with the essence and together they generated a new quality under the influence of the environment. This may be the sun, soil, fertilizers or water relative to a grain, or a society, a group, books and a teacher with regard to man.
4. Changes in the outer forces. Man needs the surroundings that develop and constantly af-fect his development. While evolving, man in turn influences his surroundings, compelling it to develop. Thus they develop simultaneously together.
These four factors determine the state of each created being. Even if man spends all his time in research, he will not be able to change or add anything to what the four factors include. Whatever we think or do exists within these four factors. Any addition will be purely quanti-tative, whereas qualitatively it will remain the same. These factors forcefully determine our character and way of thinking.

1. Man cannot change his essence.
2. He cannot change the laws according to which his essence gets transformed.
3. He cannot change the laws of transformation of his inner properties as a result of the outer influence.
4. The surroundings, which man totally depends on, can be changed!

Being able to influence his surroundings now, man determines his future state. The only fac-tors his surroundings can affect are the speed and the quality of man’s advancement. He may either live through pain, fear, anguish and endless bloody conflicts along the way or move forward quietly and comfortably, because man himself aspires to the goal. That is why the Kabbalists urge us to open educational centers so as to form groups – the ideal surroundings for all those, who wish to achieve the purpose of creation.

Free choice


Regardless of the fact that we can’t determine our basis, who and how to be born, we can influence these first three factors by choosing our surroundings, i.e. friends, books and teachers. However, having chosen the environment, we let it shape our future conditions.
Initially there is an opportunity to freely choose such teachers, books and friends that will inspire good thoughts. Unless man does that, he will naturally find himself in bad surroundings reading useless books (there are plenty of them and they are much more pleasant), and, as a re-sult, will definitely receive a poor education and fail to act correctly in life.
From this it follows that reward or punishment is sent to man not for his bad thoughts or actions, in which he has no free choice, but for not choosing a good environment, since here man undoubtedly has an opportunity to freely choose. Man should be judged and punished so that he would see: he is not judged for his misdeeds, but for choosing the wrong environment.
Hence, the person, who makes an effort and each time to choose a better environment, succeeds – not for his good thoughts, but for his persistence in improving his surroundings that lead to these good thoughts. Such a person is awarded with a better, more advanced state.
The Book of Zohar gives an example about a poor wise man, who was invited to move to a rich man’s house. He refused saying: “On no condition will I settle in a place with no sages around!” – “But you are the greatest sage of the generation!” – exclaimed the rich man. – “Who else will you learn from?” The wise man replied: “Even the greatest sage will turn into ignora-mus, if he surrounds himself with stupid people”.
Hence, we should follow the well-known advice: “Make yourself a Teacher, buy yourself a friend”. In other words, we must create our own environment, because only this factor may lead us to success. Having chosen our surroundings, we become totally dependent on it, like clay in a sculptor’s hands.
We are all captives of our egoistic nature. Freeing ourselves means to overstep the limits of our world and enter the upper reality. Since we are entirely in this world’s grip, we can get free only if, in spite of our natural egoistic environment, we artificially surround ourselves with people, who share our views and aspirations, and fall under the power of the envi-ronment ruled by the laws of the upper world. Freeing ourselves from the egoistic bonds and revealing the property of bestowal is our realization of free will.

Protection against the remaining three factors

Man automatically acts under the influence of the internal and external factors, just following their commands.
If he wishes to get out of nature’s control, man has to expose himself to the influence of the environment he chose. He should choose a Teacher, a group and books, so that they would dictate him what to do, since he is always a derivation of the four parameters.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Magic Bus

While the anniversary of the Isle of Wight Festival came and went, like most 'this day in history' billboard blurbs it did not go unnoticed. Everything you ever wanted to know about the 1970 festival is right here. And one of the greatest things i've ever ever heard can be found right here. Even though i woke up thinking more about genealogy and structuring a vacation to the old country, it's guitar like this that gets me hotter than a flight to kiev.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I Am A Scientist


Guided By Voices

I am a scientist - I seek to understand me
All of my impurities and evils yet unknown
I am a journalist - I write to you to show you
I am an incurable
And nothing else behaves like me


And I know what’s right
But I’m losing sight
Of the clues for which I search and choose
To abuse
To just unlock my mind
Yeah, and just unlock my mind

I am a pharmacist
Prescriptions I will fill you
Potions, pills and medicines
To ease your painful lives
I am a lost soul
I shoot myself with rock & roll
The hole I dig is bottomless
But nothing else can set me free

And I know what’s right
But I’m losing sight
Of the clues for which I search and choose
To abuse
To just unlock my mind
Yeah, and just unlock my mind

I am a scientist - I seek to understand me
I am an incurable and nothing else behaves like me

Everything is right
Everything works out right
Everything fades from sight
Because that’s alright with me

Monday, August 29, 2005

Debauchery & Kabbalah

While i did not abandon the week of perry in my mind, it came and went with only two sets of lyrics posted. One can only hope that anyone listening to "nothing's shocking" will see the beautiful & obvi connection between "Pigs in Zen" and Animal Farm. Either way, Perry makes a nice segue into the topic on everyone's mind. Well, mine.

The Rabbi & the Rock Star

Perry Farrell & Rabbi Langer 'I felt the devil was inside of me,' Perry Farrell says. 'And I came to find out that the devil's in everybody.'

Chabad Rabbi Yosef Langer gave up acid for orthodox Judaism in the '70s. His new friend, Perry Farrell, was a poster boy for '90s debauchery. They're dancing together now in the temple of rock & roll


Words by Michelle Goldberg
Photos by Tom Pitts


As a rain-soaked crowd shivers before a Golden Gate Park stage, one of rock & roll's most notorious bad-boy shamans locks arms with a Chassidic rabbi and the two sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." The audience, in the park to celebrate Israel's 50th anniversary, seems to recognize Rabbi Yosef Langer, who sports a "Grateful Yid" baseball cap over his yarmulke. Fewer realize that the skinny man in shiny maroon-and-gold robes, curly hair covered by a turban, is rock legend Perry Farrell. When the song is through, Farrell reads a speech that founding Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion gave when Israel became a nation, accompanied by a wash of wah-wah ambient noise. Then, Farrell performs live for the first time with his new band, Gobbelee. They do two songs, one of them, "Happy Birthday Jubilee," about the messianic age that some Orthodox Jews believe is only a generation away. As Farrell sings, the Rabbi sways near one of the speakers, hands in the air, his fingers making peace signs. Farrell cavorts gracefully around the stage, arms pinwheeling. Drug-free since Chanukah, he's sober except for a bit of pot while he was getting dressed. Nearly 40 years old and three months from fatherhood, he's not tripping on anything but Torah. Perry Farrell has found God.

That's right, Perry Farrell, ex-junkie frontman of Jane's Addiction, mastermind of the archtypical '90s bacchanalian summer music festival Lollapalooza with all its piercings and nudity, leader of the transgressively named Porno for Pyros, now reads the Torah every day, puts on tfillen (leather straps that are ritually wrapped around the arms and head of an observant Jew while praying), celebrates the Sabbath and peppers his speech with so much Hebrew that I had to go to Rabbi Langer days after the interview for translations. There's a mezuzah on the door of his home in Venice Beach. The trailer for an upcoming documentary about Gobbelee (a band featuring a rotating cast of musicians that includes Rage Against Machine's Tom Morello, ex-Red Hot Chili Pepper John Frusciante, dub DJ Mad Professor and Porno for Pyros drummer Stephen Perkins) opens with Farrell blowing a shofar. Scenes of the band rehearsing are intercut with aerial shots of Jerusalem, and Hebrew readings.

A few hours before the Golden Gate Park concert, Farrell is sitting next to Langer in his manager's room at the Maxwell Hotel on Geary Street. Farrell wears a blue-and-green Adidas track suit, while the Rabbi is dressed in conservative black. But they talk like close friends, calling each other chaver, a Hebrew word that means both friend and study partner, and finishing each other's sentences. Physically, they're opposites. Langer, 52, is big and bear-like with a lulling, easy voice. Farrell is wiry with sunken, flashing eyes, and he speaks in hyper sing-song bursts with drawn out So-Cal vowels. The two were introduced right before Chanukah last year by Farrell's co-manager, Adam Schneider, who knew the Rabbi through the late music promoter Bill Graham. Now they talk nearly every other day and travel back and forth between Farrell's house in Venice and the Rabbi's home in San Francisco. This September, they plan to go to Israel together to celebrate Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, the Jewish new year and day of atonement. The Rabbi calls Farrell by his Hebrew name, "Peretz."

"This is purely a soul search," Farrell says. "I have found by going through other religions that this religion of Judaism happens to be the most intelligent. And when you get through the intelligence, you are on your way up the ladder. Because they don't just take care of this world, and they're not talking about the next, either. They're talking about simultaneously being in this world and the other world. We can do that. Heaven on earth."

He continues, "It's easy to become involved with the Rabbi because we're working on the same project. We're working to bring about the jubilee, the Messiah, Israel being the most wonderful center of our globe for peace and goodwill and learning. So anyone who happens to be interested in that, it seems that we sort of gravitate toward each other."

In Jewish law, the jubilee is a celebratory period that comes every 50 years, and some Messianic Jews believe the coming jubilee is a ripe time for the return of the messiah. "In the Torah, the prophets refer to the jubilee as a time when slaves will be freed, there won't be any greed or murder, there will only be love and peace and harmony in the world," explains the Rabbi. "One auspicious time for the Moshiach to be revealed is during a jubilee year," he says, using the Yiddish word for "messiah,"

"We're at the brink, we're so close--we're knocking on heaven's door, in a sense."

As improbable as a debauched rock icon embracing Messianic Judaism is the not-uncommon sight of an Orthodox rabbi boogeying in the front rows of San Francisco rock shows or riding a motorcycle with a rolled leather seat down city streets. He converses easily with a woman with spiked orange hair, and when Farrell is handed a mezuzah, Langer demonstrates the correct way to prepare and insert the parchment scroll. "You roll it like a doobie," he advises Farrell.

Langer himself is a product of the counterculture and isn't rattled by modern lifestyles. "We're living in a jungle here, in exile," he says. "The wise ones observe the chaos and are not threatened by it."

Despite his open approach, he is still very much an Orthodox Jew. He can't shake my hand when we meet, he tells me, because it's against his religious beliefs to touch any woman besides his wife. Women in Chabad can't become rabbis or read the Torah, and though Langer says Chabad women are very much involved in the world, he does believe that women's true calling is the home.

Like other boomers who were in their 20s during the late '60s and early '70s, the pre-rabbinical Langer pursued enlightenment through Eastern traditions and chemical mind expanders. He flunked out of college, where he majored in business, got stoned every day and dropped acid five or 10 times, then turned to yoga and metaphysics.

"I was just pretty empty," he says. "I'd been searching, trying to pick up some pieces that I had broken during the '60s. The emptiness got to a point where I wanted to find some truth in this whole thing, so I started looking in everyone else's backyard."

At a Unity Church in Oakland, someone asked Langer about "the infinity of the Jewish alphabet," the supposition that since every passage in the Bible contains infinite understanding, then each letter must itself be infinite. Langer was embarrassed to admit that he didn't know the Jewish alphabet, let alone its infiniteness. But he was intrigued by the idea, so he began studying Hebrew and Judaism. In 1970 he quit smoking pot and enrolled in rabbinical school. He spent three months in Brooklyn, learning the ways of the Chassidim amid followers of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, the late Menachem Mendel Schneerson. He went on to start the first Chabad house in San Francisco in 1983.

Rabbi Langer 'One auspicious time for the Moshiach to be revealed is during a jubilee year,' says Rabbi Langer, using the Yiddish word for 'messiah. We're at the brink, we're so close--we're knocking on heaven's door, in a sense.'



Unlike other strains of Judaism, which generally frown on evangelism, Chabad members hit the streets and proselytize. "Chabad is not like other Chassidic groups, which are very closed," Langer says. "The Chabad house is like a home away from home. It's an entry to the unaffiliated. It has a warm quality, to learning, to experience."

After embracing Orthodox Judaism, though, Langer didn't give up his love of rock & roll--he just incorporated it into his work.

"I would go to rock concerts and we'd set up a table. The last time I saw Bill [Graham], he allowed us to set up at the Grateful Dead concert at Shoreline. Every time the Dead came to San Francisco, I would make a Grateful Yid Shabbas [the Jewish Sabbath dinner]. I thought, you know, there's a lot of Jewish kids that trek after the Grateful Dead all over the country. Wouldn't it be nice to give them a spiritual alternative, get them more in touch with their roots? I never told them, 'Don't go to the Dead.' But at least check out a Shabbas. When the Dead would come to town I'd put a tie dye over the head table and offer two tickets for one--tickets for the Sunday-night concert in exchange for them coming to the Shabbas on Friday night. You have to give them something back, right?"

When he met the former Perry Bernstein from Queens, he saw someone, who, like himself at an earlier age, was hungry for spiritual meaning. Farrell's legendary bad habits didn't faze the rabbi, who quotes Chassidism's founder, the 18th-century Rabbi Baal Shem Tov, as saying that Jews return to their roots "like a slingshot," and that even the misbehaving rise above the perfectly pious if they are on the path of return, baal teshuva. "Not even the righteous can stand in the shoes of someone who's returning," Langer says.

Adherents of Chabad believe that the generation now alive is the last one to be born before the Messiah's return, before God reveals himself to the world and resurrects the dead. It's this Messianic strain that seems to jibe the most with Farrell. His son, who's due in September, will be named Yovel, the Hebrew word for jubilee. Farrell believes utopia is coming, and he constantly uses the word "party" to describe it, as if the Messianic Age will be one giant cosmic Lollapalooza. As the Rabbi says, "Perry's always been about bringing it all together." As for the more restrictive aspects of Chassidism, well, Farrell just ignores them.

I ask him: Doesn't Orthodox Judaism conflict with the hedonistic music industry? "No," Farrell replies, "because what doesn't work about our business has no business in this world. Greed, envy, lust. Things that aren't rooted in love. Now love is way, way heavier. You can't stand in the way of love. You can get in the way of lust, you can get in the way of greed and envy and war. But you can't get in the way of love. Eventually love will conquer. Think of it--let's make believe that I'm your girlfriend now, and we're talking about your loooovvve ... that's the stuff, right? It's wonderful stuff and it's good news. The stuff it happens to get in the way of, I couldn't care less about it. I don't want to be an envious person, I don't want to be a liar, I don't want to be a thief, because it's short-lived, and what we're looking for is eternity."

Yeah, but what about the Jewish laws requiring marriage and monogamy, to which Farrell doesn't subscribe? "Because there's a way that this man operates and he happens to be a wonderful man," says Farrell, gesturing toward the Rabbi, "what does that have to do with me other than hey, I met another loving fella?"

The Rabbi adds, "We're chavers, we talk about this stuff. Farrell wants to conduct his life the way he's conducted it ..."

"Yeah, it's up to me," Farrell continues. "All it means is my chaver might say, hey man, you might get hurt if you do that, or hey man, are you sure you want to do that, and then I'll say, you know, you've got a point."

"That's what chavering is all about," the Rabbi says. "You respect each other's space, and you learn from each other. Like the honkers ... you don't mess around with honkers anymore, right?"

"What are honkers?" Farrell asks innocently.

"In Hebrew school, the honkers," says the Rabbi, smiling.

Now it's my turn to ask, "What are honkers?"

"That's private," the Rabbi says.

"I'll tell her," says Farrell. "I went to Hebrew school when I was young, and I got kicked out of school because, besides fighting, I would run up to the girls and I'd grab their breasts. It was fun, they were sexy. So they told on me, 'Oh my God, this kid, he's snapping our bras.' It was a funny thing, I thought. To go up and snap a girl's bra or grab her boobs. I wouldn't ever do that now."

Rabbi Langer Mitzvah Mobile: Rabbi Langer on his three-wheeled motorcycle, which in a former life was used to enforce parking regulations.



Why, I ask, because you're older or because of Judaism? "Well, I was doing it in Judaism. I was whatever, 10 years old. I thought I was actually doing it because I liked them and was trying to get their attention, you know, like pulling on a pigtail. It wasn't like I was being disrespectful as much as being playful. But nonetheless, the teacher said, 'This kid's a bad kid.' But my parents said, 'Please, just let the kid get bar mitzvahed and we won't ask you for any other favors.' So that was the last time I actually was in Hebrew school. I got bar mitzvahed and I never went back to shul after that.

"And now I'm on my 40th year," he continues. "All this time I've studied all forms of religion, white, black, and what happens is I start learning for myself, rather than anyone telling me as a child, 'Do this.' There is a time in life for testing, and it's called youth. It's not a bad thing--you test-pilot the chaos. Some of it doesn't work. Too much of the chaos you can't handle, so you have to be very careful when you're experimenting. Your great experimental years are your youthful years because you have the ability to heal yourself from the mistakes. Then nature says, all right, now you're not going to heal, now what you're going to do is preserve. You're going to work on preserving and fortifying. So I've been working on fortifying, fortifying, fortifying."

Now, he says, "I don't even need Rabbi Langer and I still am tied to Hashem [a Hebrew expression for God]. That's the way it should be. Fear no man and love the Lord. And fear the Lord. And play with your chaver. We help each other like brothers, but should Rabbi Langer turn his back on me one day, because I smacked his kid behind his back, or went for the honkers, should that happen, or should another man come up to me and say, 'You're not doing it right,' I can say to him, 'Like me or not, because I don't depend on you for my strength. I depend on myself to learn about God and I depend definitely on Hashem. That's the only thing I depend on.' When I see Hashem, I see the all-inclusive manifestations of the globe. So when I say 'Hashem' I could be talking about a plant or a cat or you or me. Or a rock. He, she, them, that's my little game in my head. Hashem means all of us."

The Jane's Addiction song "Had a Dad" begins, "Had a dad/ Big and strong /Turned around found my daddy gone/ He was the one/ Made me what I am today/ It's up to me now/ My daddy has gone away." Perhaps, I think, now that Farrell's going to be a father himself, his return to Judaism is a way for him to make peace with his family. He doesn't buy this. "My familial roots was being kicked out of school, chasing girls around and clobbering kids on the head. My education was not there," he says. "No. I have the right to look at my father and say, 'I do or do not like the way my father lived, and I won't live or I will live like him.' My father, although he was a charging guy, was not an Orthodox or even an observant Jew, so I did not come to this by any kind of peer pressure; I did not come to this by any kind of social pressure."

At the same time, he's thinking about his son in Jewish terms. "The principles are based in children and parents. The whole system of yud hay vov hay [the Hebrew letters that represent God's name, which religious Jews never pronounce] is the cycle of creation, and that includes childhood, learning how to raise a child, bringing a child to love, having a bar mitzvah and becoming an adult, then becoming a grandparent and keeping the vow together with love. Yud hay vov hay. My child is going to know everything that I know. The most important thing, if I couldn't find a temple and I didn't have a book, is I would tell him to learn to love God and all God's creation, because God's inside everything and we're all his creation and he's inside of us.

Yovel's birth will coincide with the Jewish High Holy Days in September. Perhaps only a rock celebrity or a lunatic would conflate the coming of their son with the coming of the Messiah, and perhaps it's only a coincidence that Farrell suddenly believes we're on the brink of paradise. Standing outside the Maxwell Hotel, someone asks him, "Is the jubilee really coming in September?" "Well, my child's coming in September," he replies. "Whether it's the messiah, well, I think you're the messiah."

But just as Farrell has cleaned up and found religion, the ghost of his old, drugged-out and slightly satanic self has snuck out of the grave via a porn Web site called Spy7.com. Until a recent temporary restraining order, Spy7 was marketing a tape of Farrell having sex in the back of a limousine while shooting up and babbling about the devil. His lawyers are trying to suppress the tape and are suing Spy7 for $40 million. Farrell says that although it's no secret he was a drug addict, he's still deeply ashamed to have a video of himself at his most smacked-out and depraved floating around the world, available to anyone willing to fork over $19.

"The tape is a shame to me," he says. "If there's anything in this world I wouldn't want you to see, it's that tape. I'm not kidding you. But you're gonna see the tape. I have to figure out how I'm going to live the rest of my life feeling so ashamed and embarrassed about this tape. It's different when I tell you a story about me, like, oh, you know, I used to be a waste. It's another thing when that waste is constantly in your face. So even though I appear before you here, that appears before you there. That's why I'm ashamed about it. I don't mind talking about what I used to do. I could tell you things that about myself and you because of it, deep, deep, deep things. I could tell you about your animal nature. But if you don't know me and they throw this tape up and they go, this is him, I'm going to have to feel ashamed."

He continues, "It wasn't even the drugs, although I don't do the drugs anymore. It's more the stupidity of my words. They're stupid. I'm speaking as an idiot. I say, 'Coke is the devil' and 'I can play the devil.' I felt the devil was inside of me. And I came to find out that the devil's in everybody. I could look at it like it's a curse, which it is, so I'm going to turn it into a blessing. It's funny how it works. Just when you crush the serpent's head with your heel, he bites you in the heel. So the good news is I think I've crushed the serpent."

Farrell talks about teshuva, the return to observant Judaism by a non-practicing Jew. "People go off on their godless journey. It might be because they don't know who God is, they don't even know where to begin to look," Farrell says. "In my case I wasn't even looking for God. I didn't understand the concept at all. I was living for myself alone. Even though I was a singer, I was working for myself. I didn't know. I might one day come to say I'm really glad that tape is there, because you can see how far a person can go, and you can see how a person can come back from going away that far. That's what teshuva is all about. If you say, I think you're a scumbag, I'll say to you it doesn't stop me from loving Hashem and reading Torah. If I can't be up there singing when the jubilee occurs, I'll be in the back applauding. I'll be the last guy. I'm still gonna be there."

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

PollyWannaPalette

In The Matrix, the Oracle continually reminded Neo that he already knew the answer, he needed only to ask the right questions. She said this from various spots, most notably from within her hearth baked kitchen, beneath a sign in greek: Know Thyself. The Aristocrats is a documentary about the one joke everyone knows, where the punchline holds no glamour - the beginning and end are meaningless. The joke is in the palette through which the language is painted. The answer is merely a catalyst, reaching back in time to inspire a question. The Aristocrats highlights the analogy between improv comedy and jazz, naming coltrane more than once. I have been thinking about this movie since bedtime, and again when i woke. As humans, when we define ourselves by the way we use the palette versus the beginning and end results, we find our true selves. I always loved the part in chemistry where we balanced equations. The end result was pre-conceived, it was the process of reaching balance from which information was obtained. Just as synthesis of information supercedes the way in which information is acquired. The satirization of aristocracy has become a simple excuse to set free the limited mind. So it's still the week of Perry.

Mountain Song

comin' down the mountain
one of many children
everybody has
their own opinion
everybody has
their own opinion
holding it back
hurts so bad
jumping out of my flesh
and i said -
cash in!
cash in now honey
cash in now
cash in now
cash in now honey
cash in miss smith
cash in now!

i was comin down the mountain
met a child she had pin eyes
we had the same opinion
had the same opinion
she was holding it back
it hurts so bad
jumping out of her flesh
and i said -
cash in!
cash in now honey
cash in now
cash in now
cash in now honey
cash in miss smith
cash in now!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Week of Perry

the next few entries are going to take this blog back to where it began. Back to Perry. Shekina is from his solo album but I'm headed out the door so in the name of speed, here are lyrics to Shekina. However, i intend to do the week of perry backwards, to Porno's and obviously jane's next (um, can anyone say "post the lyrics to pigs in zen" ?) - that's next. The week of Perry. The whole entire reason why Nothing is Shocking, because of this thing.

Shekina

Come down, come down Shekina
We'll engage eventually
I will tick and tock with you
Shake your mother hips for me
Outside heaven drizzles
Grow us up a field of apples

As you like it
That's how I like it

Tell me, tell me what are you thinking?
I just like the sound of your voice
Whisper to me what you're after
I'll try and get it for you
That tiger's tooth when you smile
And some things I can't tell you

As you like it, Havah
It's how I like it, Havah

Dreaming
I'm dreaming
There's no body here but us
Ignited
When we ignite
And nobody stands between us

You want to be caught; I'll catch you
What you want, I want too
As you like it, I like too

Time together is breezy
I'm without you thin as the air
Missing; a bass from a drum
Singer wants a harmony
I'll put my soul inside you
Put me there and let me grow

As you like it, Havah
It's how I like it

Come down, come down Shekina
We'll engage eventually
That's how I like it

Brown Sugar

The Boogie van of Ocean Beach, best known to her friends, family, fans, lovers & cousins as Brown Sugar is sadly looking for a new home. Farewell, oh rockin van who's traveled to Texas and back, entertained many a drive in movie, towed a uhaul trailer over 1k miles and befriended 2 dogs and 2 cats. Her Spiritual Captain, MevinVanNebula, is selling Brown Sugar and gets full support from this little blog. Because selling a van isn't fun. Brown Sugar will live on, in our hearts and spirits, as she travels new terrain, possibly not far from the ocean where she nearly retired. Ta Ta For Now, Brown Sugar. Boogie Van of OB. A beauty amongst beasts. My only request is that you not sell her to anyone who runs the risk of making her smell like patchouli.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Firefox Review

I know i'm late to the game on this one, but what the hell. This won't be too long and retarded but yes i am proclaiming a new love of firefox. I'd avoided it, snobby mac reasons not worth exploring, but was forced into it by the nice smarties at my new gig. The tabs are just dreamy and navigation is speedy because form really follows function on this browser....
...and yes it will occasionallyfreeze on your mac. but all it takes a close of the frozen tab, rarely the browser itself (this has only happened to me once and i merely closed the tab and shazam, done) - and while some inter-situations may be happier on explorer island, firefox is still a smarter choice for your default. have a nice weekend.

Friday, August 19, 2005

One Ring To Rule Them All

Surely i was lost. And like E.T. and elliott, at the same time, i also lost my grandma's ring (which hangs upon my grandpa's chain and now around my neck) I knew it wasn't gone forever, it was a mysterious disappearance and i knew intuitively that we would meet again.

So it came that last night I finally slept for over 5 hours, without waking up. After more galactica on my iBook (best sci fi show, really) I hit the books, the peppermint tea, the journal, the temple of my soul, the core within. In other words, i went deep within and spent some time inside myself, away from work. and went to bed with a smile ....and my dog slept like a little peanut, all curled up next to me. I have no other needs. All other needs are an illusion.
Sat with my dog and remembered when we backpacked around San Luis Valley, and when fletch-my-dog got up to get a drink.....My Grandma's Ring & Grandpa's Chain were under his paw.

Was Lost/ Now Found
Let's Review. I had flipped over my bed, basically dismantled the room where i thought the ring might be, for about 4 days. It was not there. It simply was not there. And then it was. When i finally woke up.

Why do we fall? so we can learn to get back up.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Mr. T and Jewish Ethnicity

he's big. and he's strong. and he doesn't think Jews are white. The timing of this is weird as I recently engaged in a similar conversation. What is coincidence? What does it matter when people like Mr. T are around to help us realize how silly life really is....the timing, perfect. as usual. The link under the pic is his appearnace on a certain radio show this AM. download/ save as.

Galactica

Best Sci Fi series since star trek. The Cylons are our children. How can we learn to love them when they aren't equipped to love us back? I love this show. Great shots, and great use of the word "frak" instead of "fuck." I think i will start to use frak in my adopted vernacular.

Friday, August 12, 2005

As 99 Red Balloons Go By

What's the point in worrying when you can bask in stardust.

Perseid meteor shower to peak August 12

By Joe Rao
SPACE.com by way of CNN
Friday, August 12, 2005

(SPACE.com) -- Every August, when many people go vacationing in the country where skies are dark, the best-known meteor shower makes its appearance -- the Perseids.

In 2005, the Perseids are expected to reach their maximum on August 12. Peak activity is unfortunately predicted for the daylight hours across North America.

Sky watchers are thus encouraged to watch during the predawn hours of Friday, August 12 and again during the early morning hours of Saturday.

Observers will be favored by an absence of bright moonlight during these intervals. At midnorthern latitudes, moonset occurs on the evening of August 11 at around 11-p.m. local daylight time and around 11:20 p.m. the following night.

Since dawn doesn't break until around 4:30 a.m., that means there will be about 5 to 5 1/2 hours of dark, moonless skies for the two best viewing nights for the Perseids.

Take full advantage of this year's favorable lunar circumstances. Next year, a bright waning gibbous moon will flood the after-midnight sky with its light and seriously hinder the Perseids.

Bits of a comet

We know today that these meteors are actually the dross of the Swift-Tuttle comet.

Discovered back in 1862, this comet takes approximately 130 years to circle the sun. And in much the same way that the Tempel-Tuttle comet leaves a trail of debris along its orbit to produce the Leonid Meteors of November, comet Swift-Tuttle produces a similar debris trail along its orbit to cause the Perseids.

Indeed, every year during mid-August, when the Earth passes close to the orbit of Swift-Tuttle, the material left behind by the comet from its previous visits, ram into our atmosphere at approximately 37 miles per second (60 kilometers per second) and create bright streaks of light in our midsummer night skies.

Comet Swift-Tuttle made its most recent appearance more than a dozen years ago, in December 1992. Its orbit is highly elongated and as such it takes roughly 130 years to make one trip around the sun. For several years before and after its 1992 return, the Perseids were a far more prolific shower, appearing to produce brief outbursts of as many as several hundred meteors per hour, many of which were dazzlingly bright and spectacular.

The most likely reason was that the Perseids parent comet was itself passing through the inner solar system and that the streams of Perseid meteoroids in the comet's vicinity were larger and more thickly clumped together. Hence the reason for the brighter meteors and much-higher-than-normal meteor rates.

In recent years, with the comet now far back out in space, Perseid activity has apparently returned to normal.

Meteor clumps

A very good shower will produce about one meteor per minute for a given observer under a dark country sky. Any light pollution or moonlight considerably reduces the count.

The August Perseids are among the strongest of the readily observed annual meteor showers, and at maximum activity nominally yield 50 or 60 meteors per hour. However, observers with exceptional skies often record even larger numbers.

But while 60 meteors per hour correspond to one meteor sighting every minute, keep in mind that this is only a statistical average.

In reality, what usually is seen is what some have called, "the clumping effect." Sometimes you'll see two or even three Perseids streak across the sky in quick succession, all within less than minute. This is usually followed by a lull of several minutes or more, before the sky suddenly bears fruit once again.
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

He's As Bad As Can


And He's a Tough Guy (right click/save as)

Thursday, August 04, 2005

14 inches

A hit below the belt?
from the NY Daily News

Mike Tyson might be turning from his fists to another body part to make a living.

The former champ says he's been approached by reps for porn star Jenna Jameson to co-star in a X-rated movie.

The free-spending pugilist, who was pummeled recently by the tax man, says he told Jameson's people, "I need the money up front."

Boxing writer Pedro Fernandez recalled in Zoo magazine that, "according to court documentation from Tyson's rape trial, his member is at least 14 inches long. If Tyson brings out some of the ferocity that made him a champion, he could definitely become a successful porn star."

The muscleman has been spending this week on the beaches of Saint-Tropez with some shapely ladies. Maybe he's in training.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Not Average


Not an Average Man
J and i had hard ons for lance when we lived in boulder, and that was when he won the TdFrance the first 4 times. I remember reading an article about the horror of chemo, and how it affected his simple actions, even urination. He said that because urinating was so painful, he convinced himself that the pain was a result of the cancer cells exiting his system. He would visualize these ugly cells, and every treacherous moment of urination became an action toward which he looked, each time, pushing disease out of his body. Beating the odds every time, with grace and pain and horror behind him. I really don't care about any of the press i see about lance. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants and ultimately he'll still be one of my only contemporary male heroes. He's in good company, surrounded by some powerful women, but Lance Armstrong - a powerful man - is unwittingly part of my support network.

mp3 for the occasion: Only from White Teeth, NIN

Average

It's the word of the day. Some average quotes:

The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
- Anatole France

The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is.
- Robert Schuller

When you're average, you're just as close to the bottom as you are the top.
- Alfred North Whitehead

The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain.
- Colin Wilson

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
- Dennis Miller

So many people comment that I'm much more mature than average. In this business, you can get taken advantage of if you're not aware and you're not tough.
- Amanda Bynes

What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.
- Sigmund Freud

People are what you make them. A scornful look turns into a complete fool a man of average intelligence. A contemptuous indifference turns into an enemy a woman who, well treated, might have been an angel.
- Andre Maurois

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
- Fran Lebowitz

Friday, July 22, 2005

That's The Way

I saw Robert Plant last night, under a rising full moon, on the waters of the San Diego Bay. I've been flying on a high ever since, not the kind i get after a rock show, but the kind that can only be fulfilled by falling witness to an event i've waited over 15 years to experience. First off, to get it out of the way, his band is mighty excellent - not too clean, not too cookie cutter, psychadelic enough and dirty enough to pull off ALL the zeppelin plant sang. And he sang more Zep than was expected. In fact, here's the setlist, from memory, i believe i am forgetting some things....but such is the way of a good show sans pen and paper in hand.

Plant/ San Diego/ Embarcadero - July 21, 2005

No Quarter
Shine It All Around
Black Dog
Freedom Fries
White Rabbit
That's The Way
Hey Hey What Can I Do
Tin Pan Alley
4stix
Gallow's Pole
Mighty Rearranger
When The Levee Breaks
Wonderful Enchanter
Whole Lotta Love


and here's the thing. I cried like a baby during That's The Way. i'd waited more than half my life to hear this song live, to hear all those zep songs live, sung by the Legend himself.....last night some magic happened. Plant's range is in tact! i heard a low register, a high register, signature wailing, and the psychadelia of Whole Lotta Love which can turn even a SaltPetered male into a horny tiger. Thanks Robert.

That's The Way It Oughtta Stayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Fight or Flight


An emergency reaction in which the body prepares for combat or escape from potentially dangerous situations, animals, or people.


some steps we can take to move out of fight or flight and into loving actions are:

1. notice the physical sensations within your body that let you know when you are anxious or afraid.

2. breathe

3. you would not be in fight or flight without being in fear. Ask yourself (or your friend) what you are afraid of and explore it.

4. do something fun or nurturing for yourself

5. examine the process of thinking, put negative thoughts and assumptions based on stress and fear into a positive phrase, and say it out loud or write it down.

6. Be like the squirrel.

mp3: "Little Acorns" The White Stripes

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Yahrtzeit