Bermuda Triangle Of Sin

I usually spend the days before any vegas excursion dreading what i know it will entail. like.. the sounds of slot machines, spending $20 on a plate of iceburg lettuce, boob jobs gone wildly wrong, and the world's slowest, most unthrilling monorail.

Thanks to a weird 6 month ad campaign 5 years ago (which was quickly abandoned by the city), hundreds of families seem to think vegas is a great place for kids (who are you people, and why do you still bring your kids?). I don't have kids, but really, the absurdity of one's choice to introduce their offspring to a seizure-driven casino environment, which boasts the 3rd highest murder rate in the country is. . .well, could you people just go stay at circus circus and keep your kids out of the MGM? that'd be great, thanks.

That said, thousands of the rest of us flock to vegas to enroll in the Sin City plan. Until the moment my flight touches down, I never allow myself to consider vegas a desirable vacation spot, it's more of a place to engage in activities that would otherwise be considered unamerican by any of the blue states. In vegas one can visit the Bunny Ranch, the hoover dam, take a full margarita into a cab and walk around with what the rest of america calls "open container," light their car on fire in the desert for some extra insurance money, or go to a show of famous-person impersonators.


Why Waste Time Admitting to Love Vegas...?
Because in vegas there is no time. so no time is wasted. There isn't really any proof that it even exists. Las Vegas is an interstitial strip of consumer driven residue, transcending time and space somewhere between death valley and boulder, co.

Las Vegas doesn't exist, which is a succesful culmination of it's history (built on Meyer Lansky's relationships with the mob, and more recently, Wynn's junk bonds), the air (nuclear testing site for 11 years), it's structure (no clocks, insulated environments/ closed systems), and most brilliantly, the general marketing of the city (what happens in vegas stays in vegas). It does? that's great! it means i was never really there.

Apparently i I went to vegas this weekend with a couple of old friends. Old college roommates. We share memories but know exactly how to make more everytime we are together. So It wasn't vegas, vegas doesn't exist. The environment and marketing of Vegas allowed us to indulge without the chains of everyday life. Even tho it never happened. And no, i don't have any stories (for you) about what did or didn't happen when we were or weren't there. All i can say is, i think i was at Studio 54, but not the real Studio 54 - the MGM Grand version of Studio 54. which means i was never really at Studio 54 at all. I think i saw diana ross, but not diana ross as she exists now - i saw a transvestyte pretending to be diana ross at the imitation version of studio 54. But as far as vegas is concerned, i was at studio 54, partying with one of the supremes.

Further proving that Las Vegas doesn't actually exist is this bizarre end result: my friends and i spent an entire day at the pool - well, 4 hours of our day - in the hot sun, no clouds, no spf anything (sorry mom). and none of us were sunburned.

let's review. I life in the pacific northwest and work at a startup. I'm NEVER sunbathing. but in vegas, i took these pasty legs to the pool and had myself a poolside massage, a mango margarita or two or more, and snubbed off dumb boys, thereby encouraging them to follow me around like little cabana helper monkeys desperate for a pat on the head. And what happened to these pasty legs? nothing. no burn. If it was just me, i'd propose that it's me who doesn't exist, and not las vegas. but it also happened to my other friends. 4 hours, during peak sun hours, and we didn't burn. we didn't fry. I'm convinced we were never really outdoors. and since what happens in vegas stays there, i'll never really know. It's a closed system. It's a Thomas Pynchon novel waiting to happen. It's the next set for ABC's "lost" - it's las vegas on the map. But really, it's the bermuda triangle of sin.

America needs las vegas b/c without it we are wholly oppressed by our own regulation of vices. When visiting vegas we are liberated, and the chamber of commerce allows us to liberate ourselves without consequence. What happens in a closed system, stays in a closed system. We need vegas to remind us of how free or chained we want to be - americans need 3 days without expectations as a desirable outlet in a nation built on routine. We want to feel free to throw away as much money as spend "wisely." We need to believe that causal sex is common and emotions are just side effects. With Las Vegas, we can pretend. And when we go home to our boob tubes, and we see the ad campaign, we are reminded that indeed we can be redeemed for sin - without ever getting a sunburn.