The A&R Guy, Check Him Out

i was resting on my couch, hangin with my now-old dog fletch who is on the mend....I'll have to post satellite collar pics since he does have some fans...anyway...i was petting him, half reading my book...
wondering why i couldn't watch the skins-dallas (at washington) game (the answer is: Raiders Game) - when I noticed 2 things. One, the TV is on (yuck) and two, a commercial just angered me and became blog worthy. Apparently CBS has a new series called "love monkey" about a "major label A&R rep, single in new york."

yes. About a major label A&R rep and his own personal sex and the city. on CBS.

Must television continue to insult me? i mean, i don't expect much, but every time i activate it i get annoyed. last week it was a "fabulash" commercial, and today, it's "love monkey." Only this time, it's personal. when i see an ad for a product called "fabulash" i laugh with ease. When i see one which perpetuates lies about the music industry, well, as anyone who knows me knows....i must rant.

first of all, CBS is just a cousin of what used to be CBS records - one of the largest conglomerates to fuck over musicians in the history of the music business. Ever. In the present, cbs owns Viacom. Gene Simmons has a show on vh-1, so it was no surprise to hear KISS playing in the background of the love monkey promo.

Anyway, there are hardly any major labels left (only 3) and everyone in our industry knows - there is no more A&R on the major label. This statement is true for many reasons....but in the interest of time and length, i'll pick one basic reason:: They have all been let go! If the main character in this show keeps his job for longer than 6 months, well, there's just one more misconception about the music industry fueled by big media. the only remaining A&R reps left in the business are those at indie labels. the turn around rate at major labels rivals that of restaurants. And that's because the major label business model doesn't work, especially not in the digital age (but that's a different blog).

Oh the irony, that William Paley's CBS records would dissolve and then one day morph into the modern version of a CBS television series. Oh look, it's the geeky A&R guy who can quote music (the promo has him recognizing some obscure artist known as sting). Oh look, it's the major label A&R guy, he's got money, he's got clout and taste. He's got ears. He's single in new york and earnest and goofy. He's the reason your viacom and clear channel owned terrestrial radio stations play linkin park and hoobastank. THIS GUY, the guy we are supposed to love and relate to as closet music geeks, the main character of "love monkey" - he is the one budgeting for modern payola and spending artist money on an old dysfunctional business model. He's the one supporting the RIAA. check out the a&r guy.

the a&r guy - check him out on CBS. He's got hair - for some reason the actor has hair, but let's face it, most of the guys in the music business don't have much of it. hair, that is. And it's no slight on the men i work with - some of them lost it from working too fucking hard. Those are the ones i love, i really do, and a few might be reading this. but some - most - are just assholes and their hair couldn't take it anymore.

and as if i couldn't get any more peeved about a tv series perpetuating myths about an industry to which i've dedicated my life - the show title itself really pisses me off. I hate that i'm even mentioning it in my blog. Love Monkey pisses me off - because i actually do love monkeys. some of my friends know that i frequently refer to monkeys, monkeys with coconuts, i have monkey pajamas, and i believe clint eastwood's best work was with a monkey named clyde.

The new series on cbs about a ficticious a&r guy, who is a tool to push records on viewers (it's one big palette for product placement) - this fucker who doesn't exist - is the new max headroom - he's a device in light of clear channel's demise and the upswing of satellite radio, podcasts and general digital innovation. In the onset of the digital age, the only way a major label knows how to adapt is to rely on it's co-conspirators. Innovation was not part of the business plan. they wrote contracts and plans based on the notion that the bucks in creativity stopped with them, and they were wrong.