I Am Beatrix Kiddo

I should have brought my kill bill dvds to this g-d forsaken city, I could really use my samurai sword. I'm writing this remotely, not even from my own computer, as I'm waiting for a wireless password - otherwise there'd be a hot uma picture here. just so you know. Back to Beatrix and Uma. The violence (if you can even call it that) is less relevant to the story than the actual principle, of which i could use a slight implementation at the moment. It's really B's (uma) focus, her inability to sway, the bumps in front of her which become meaningless. In volume 1, slashed at the chest by O-ren Ishii, she rises, bloody and shaking, "hit me with everything you've got." In volume 2, its her mentor's lessons, (pai mei) flat and honest, which resurrect her from the lonely grave of paula shultz. She's the conceptual superhero at her best, finding out who she is (bill's truth shot) and slaughtering those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers (i just put that in to see if you were really reading, it's a line from pulp fiction and also the bible. back to biz...). All methods of surprise lame ass blog writing aside, is it possible to identify with a character to such an extent that in reality you can truly embody those characteristics, those mental powers where defeat is not a question, where insults bounce, where even if i get hit with everything you've got, I am still resistant to defeat. Slash me, bury me, shoot me with salt bullets, steal my sword - I'm still not hurt. I've still got focus, I'm still me.

This fucking city that i hate reminds me of kill bill. It isn't just because tarantino sometimes drives the pussy wagon around town. Kill Bill comes in handy here because i rarely meet anyone in LA who isn't after a new persona, an image, a new bottle of hair gel. It's these annoying people that i view as getting in my way. Because i'm finding that the ones who work hardest to foster a persona are the least real. this is the crux of kill bill (see volume 2). We can't avoid our own character, we can only make choices about building it. I've been in LA 3 days and the only genuine people I've met are the ones I already know. I hate this city because it doesn't feel right. But....as with everything, there's a caveat.

While i type this, at this very second, Ali's daughter (she's gotten so big - 2yrs old - and just asked me for her daddy) is chillin with me. She looks like ali. Hanging with al's daughter is having a haunting effect on my thoughts about LA. I've almost never enjoyed a stay in Los Angeles, and i was well on that path until i woke up to sophie's giggling this morning. She likes the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard, she giggles when i talk to her, and she looks like al. just like her. The only difference is that she's bilingual at age 2. When i say "ojos" she points to her eyes. "boca" - her mouth. when i say "manzana" she reaches for applesauce. She'll be referring to me as Corina any minute now. scratch that, she actually just called me "tia." Tia! Tia Corina. My little niece.

Regarding the haunting effect this is having on my thoughts about los angeles: while location is important, it is not crucial. Al's daughter, my niece, has no idea about los angeles and the negative fault riddled energy plaguing this drowning town. As she shouldn't. It is an external factor to a 2 year old without meaning. But for me, in my 30s, i am hyper-aware of the energies spilling out of all locations in which i reside, regardless of how temporary. I'm not attempting to posit that location is meaningless, i do prescribe to the ancient wisdoms of planetary energies, the subtlety of magnets and how they effect our lives, chaos theory, string theory, competing theories, maimonedes, bring it on. I hate LA, i love Ali's daughter. Al's daughter is growing up here, and it is clearly good for her. And for the first time in about 14 years ali and i are within a 100 mile radius of one another. So if i continue to hate LA, i am only contributing to the negative energy spewing out of this city on a minute to minute basis. I won't love it, the energy doesn't fit me. I love the palm trees, but there are more of them further south. But to hate LA is a waste of my time now that al and her baby are here. It's a new city this morning. I've chosen to effect my external surroundings by utilizing the power of my mind. It might only be 8 in the morning but it's working so far.

I'm more focused. No distractions. no externals to get in my way. Where's Bill? Where's Bill? Where's Bill? It's a hanzo sword. Hit me with everything you've got.