Montgomery County Freakout

i realize this is terrible. is it wrong to laugh too? There's something satisfying about it - knowing that nordstrom's shoppers around montgomery county are hiding in their....mansions....wearing their....uggs.....with nothing to do but......

truth be told i was just at nordstrom's a couple weeks ago when i was visiting home. I remember when Montgomery Mall hosted 4th of july fireworks.

from The Washington Post

Woman Stabs Two At Montgomery Mall
By Lori Aratani and Allan Lengel
Washington Post Staff Writers
Thursday, May 26, 2005; Page B01

A knife-wielding woman stabbed a shopper at a Nordstrom in a Montgomery County mall last night, then calmly walked to an escalator and attacked a second woman, sending dozens of screaming customers running for the exits, police and witnesses said.

The violence, which police said appeared to be random, ended when an off-duty FBI agent who witnessed the second stabbing pulled out his gun, ordered the woman to drop the knife and arrested her, police said.
Both women were being treated at hospitals last night for injuries that were thought not to be life-threatening.

"At this time, we believe this was random," said Lt. Eric Burnett, a spokesman for Montgomery County police. "We have no idea what prompted this assault."

The incident began about 6:55 p.m. at Westfield Shoppingtown Montgomery -- the shopping center on Democracy Boulevard formerly known as Montgomery Mall -- when a woman attacked a 24-year-old shopper in the customer service area on the store's third floor. The shopper was stabbed in the abdomen and upper back, police said, and suffered defensive wounds on both arms.

Irina Slutsky was riding up to the third floor when a saleswoman came running toward the escalator and told riders: "Go back down! Go back down!"

Slutsky had already reached the third floor, where she saw a woman gripping what Slutsky said appeared to be a kitchen knife in her right hand, held at her side.

"It was dripping blood, not a lot, but it was dripping blood," Slutsky said. "Unless you were paying attention, you couldn't see the knife." The attacker "was walking calmly toward the down escalator," she said.

The assailant then headed down the escalator toward the second floor and started attacking a woman wearing a pink sweater and black pants, Slutsky said.

"She kind of leaned over and started stabbing this woman in the back," said Slutsky, who is visiting from San Francisco. The second victim, who authorities said was in her twenties, "started running down on the escalator, trying to get away, and the woman with the knife started running after her," Slutsky said.

Moments later, Adam Karcher, an FBI agent who had been behind the attacker on the escalator, intervened and arrested her, police said. Karcher was not available for comment last night.

Some witnesses reported hearing gunshots, but authorities said no shots were fired.

Robin Wexler of Bethesda, who was with his wife, Elaine, said he was shopping for sneakers on the second floor, near the escalator, when he heard "people screaming. It sounded like an argument."

"Initially, everyone just ran in all different directions screaming," he said. He said employees directed him, his wife and a few other customers into a stockroom. Shortly afterward, they were told to leave the store, he said.

"It's very weird to go out, buy a pair of shoes and all of sudden, all hell breaks loose," Wexler said.

The suspect, who authorities said is 48, was being held last night at the Montgomery County Detention Center, where she was scheduled to be arraigned today. Her name was not immediately released.

One of the victims was being treated last night at Washington Hospital Center; the other was at Suburban Hospital in Bethesda. A county fire department spokesman said two people in the store were treated for breathing problems.

Deniz Anders, a Nordstrom spokeswoman at the company's headquarters in Seattle, said the retailer was preparing to provide psychological help to employees.

"We're extremely concerned about the condition [of] the two women involved in the incident and all of our employees and customers," Anders said. "We are extremely grateful to the FBI agent for taking quick action."

The store did not reopen after the violence, although other businesses in the mall remained open last night.

Anders said it was unclear whether the store would reopen today.

Staff writer Clarence Williams contributed to this report.

Judaism vs. Jediism

couldn't resist posting this one. I read it here.

Steven Waldman pulled his kids from Hebrew school and is trying to teach them Judaism himself. This is from his "homeschooling diary."

God and a Galaxy Far, Far Away
by Steven Waldman

The new 'Star Wars' movie leaves Anakin Skywalker on the dark side, but for the boys and me it's a theological teaching moment.

Sunday was the big day. Perhaps the most important day in eight-year-old Gordon's life. The day for which he's been mentally preparing for many months. The day he got to see "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith."

I had intended to spend Sunday's Hebrew school trip to Toomey's Diner on the subject of envy. Joe had just had his eleventh birthday party and was working through some materialism issues.

But as it became clear how important "Star Wars" was in Gordon's cosmology, I felt it would be useful to compare and contrast.

"Is the Force like God?"

"No," said Gordon clearly. "The force is like the source of energy. So saying 'may the Force be with you' is like saying 'break a leg' but in a really serious way."

"What are the differences between Jedi faith and Judaism?"

They both involve supernatural theatrics. "Judaism has some magic to it," Gor explained, citing Moses parting the Red Sea and creating blood in the Nile by sticking in his staff. "Jedi has a little more magic. You can make stuff fly toward you."

The differences between the two traditions were far more numerous, the boys argued. "The Force does just whatever the Jedi does," Gordon said. "It doesn’t have a mind of its own. It's sort of like a slave."

Joe agreed. "In the Bible stories, God does things. In "Star Wars," the Force doesn't have a brain. Other people USE the force. It's not good or evil. In the Bible, God only does things for good."

Gordon disagreed with the last point. "Not always. What about Jericho?" He was noting that God caused the walls of Jericho to fall down, killing thousands of innocent people.

Despite the moments of divine amorality, we agreed that by and large Yahweh was more likely to live and rule by an ethical code than was the Force.

Then we talked about the afterlife. The boys liked the Jewish conception–which theoretically allows for all people to live in the spirit world–more than the Jedi view, which seems to provide an afterlife only for that small number of people with Jedi powers. Jediism is far more elitist, we agreed, than Judaism.

Fucking Lost.

Oh Fuck You

While I wasn't going to admit to my friends that I've been utilizing DVR to watch "lost" on abc, i find myself physically angered over the season finale and am ready to let you know that yes, thanks to tivo technology I am still keeping up with the crap that is infesting pop culture - somehow contributing to the ratings, partially to turn off my brain, mostly to know how I can skillfully market to a dumbed down general public. That said, I do have other means of entertainment ranging from wired magazine, music (obviously) and on to documentaries from NetFlix. And now it's important to me to proclaim a giant FUCK YOU to Lost.

While I realized half way through the pilot that perhaps the writers had not fully drawn out their concept, I was sucked in by the mystery, not unlike an old Stephen King novel back before the hired hands. Where are these people? One of their natural leaders is named John Locke - doesn't get much more overt than that. Other character names which excited me: Walt, Sawyer, Hobbes.... It's Survivor meets Lord of the Flies, thought I. I was in. I used DVR, the only way to engage television now. If i missed an episode, i would happily watch it 2 weeks late, thanks to technology. Eventually i got all caught up. The season finale was last night. I watched it late at night/ early this morning. What a scam.

The beauty of a season finale is that it keeps the audience engaged for another (approx) 4 months, without actively creating a new event. The season finale of....anything....is (or should be) rooted in Pull Marketing philosophy - bring them back. Bring them to you. Pull them in, don't push it on them, no need for overt calls to action until a few weeks before the new season opener. Create a facade of interactivity in the interim months, keep the audience engaged.

But the season finale of Lost just perpetuated the same storyline, without offering any reason to come back. Each week i learn less and less, even as the storyline reveals more about the characters plight prior to their plane crash. It feels like an exercise from English 101 where one person starts a story and it gets passed along the whole classroom, each student adding a new paragraph, a new voice to the story. How boring. Am I overeducated or did i merely outgrow the perceived value of televised drama...

The Lost season finale provided absolutely no pay off, only further plot set up. However, the set up is just as vague as before, the Observer can now continue on with the very same questions she had after the first 3 episodes. There are no new questions. The Characters in Lost are right back where they were in the beginning, barely anything dynamic has taken place. Here is a list of questions I've got about Lost, and they haven't changed since the 3rd episode. I don't feel like I've been left hanging, I feel like i've been duped into watching Melrose Place on an island.

• Strange island people who are evil have a fetish for babies & children. We know they want a newborn or could want a newborn, and we know that Walt has psychic abilities. Now the strange island people kidnapped Walt. Suprised? me either.



• Something mystical is happening on the island. Big invisible monsters, puffs of smoke, strange crazy island people, plane crash which would otherwise render zero survivability, a big hatch with which Locke is obsessed, a few deaths here and there - I get the idea - it's a strange place. And each character has either crossed paths with each other and/ or experienced some sort of epiphany about their own personal velocity - Weird things abound. Stop layering on the oddities and Pull me in, I'm not an idiot, i get the idea it's a weird realm. Stop pushing it on me, the overt part of the island is clear, demonstrate the subtleties and make them attractive as opposed to meaningless.



• Early on in the season an interesting concept arose and was quickly abandoned - a black woman was unable to eat as she had lost her husband in the crash. She remained confident that her husband was still alive, said she could "feel it" and posed the ever-infinite question "how do i know he isn't somewhere else missing me too" - within 3 weeks we never saw that woman again, and the characters never noticed her absence, never spoke of her, she disappeared like so many soap actresses from General Hospital. I'm either on to a major plot point here, or the writing sucks.

While the msg boards and bloggers are going nuts over the season finale, I'm bored with it. Perhaps over the next few months the writers will sketch out a plot and decide to execute it. Until then, it's Survivor meets Gigli.

On behalf of educators everywhere, I'll grade this one with a D+
the plus is because i actually watched it. The D is because it obviously didn't fail completely or i would not have blogged about it.

today's mp3 for download is....so obvious

Le Tigre - This Island

Climbing Trees On Acid

(it's been done)

trying something new here. This is a Rhapsody playlist I put together today. I've been using the PC for Rhapsody and it's become the new stereo in my little room. It's hardly a deep playlist, just a test to see if it posts to my blog. I still heart apple. But streaming is the shit.

even if you don't have a pc or rhapsody try to listen to "Masses Are Asses" at least once today. Because it's true.

Climbing Trees On Acid:
1. Lost In The Supermarket - Afghan Whigs
2. Operate - Peaches
3. Rusty Cage - Soundgarden
4. Whorehoppin (Shit, Gaddamn) - Eagles Of Death Metal
5. Better Living Through Chemistry - Queens Of The Stone Age
6. The Masses Are Asses - L7
7. It's On The Rocks - The Donnas
8. I Don't Give A... - Peaches
9. Nearly Lost You - Screaming Trees
10. Don't Follow - Alice In Chains
11. Silverfuck - Smashing Pumpkins
12. Turn It On - The Flaming Lips
13. Blame, Etc. - Afghan Whigs
14. When You Smile - The Flaming Lips
15. Runnin - Heartless Bastards
16. Satellite Of Love - Porno For Pyros
17. AA XXX - Peaches
18. Nowhere Again - The Secret Machines
19. Flames Go Higher - Eagles Of Death Metal
20. Geek U.S.A. - Smashing Pumpkins
21. Off With Your Head - Sleater-Kinney
22. Cherry Bomb - The Runaways
23. I Need - L7
24. Thumb - Dinosaur Jr.
25. Lightning Strikes The Postman - The Flaming Lips
26. Say Something - Dr. Dog
27. Chewin' The Apple Of Your Eye - The Flaming Lips
28. I'll Never Be Your Maggie May - Suzanne Vega
29. Verdi Cries - 10,000 Maniacs"

The Giraffes

watch this video.

click here

Exactly.

except I think it should say "do you use it, motherfucker." Still....

revamped sith notes

it's an obsession for which i will never apologize. I added/ edited the sith review. and it's right here:
Flying Is For Droids

Best Show of 2005 (So Far)

listen: Whorehoppin' (Shit, Goddam)

Last night at the new San Diego HOB....Queens of The Stone Age w/ Eagles of Death Metal.
I knew QOTSA would get my rock off, every Queens Of The Stone Age show is consistently superb math rock - each song changes, twists & exists on its own for the live show, it's real music, every time, and i always walk out sweaty and worked hard. Last night I got rocked above what i already considered par. Right before qotsa started, MelvinVanNebula asked me what I thought they'd start with. "Regular John would fuckin' rock, yeah, Regular John" popped right out of my mouth. And wouldn't you know it....the show started with the first song off the first (self titled) album, Regular John. However, it wasn't just the best show of the year (so far) because it was hours of throbbing rock hard dance riffs from 2 hot bands...the aural combination of EODM and QOTSA provided an overall experience beyond the normal act of a good rock show. Kind of like having angus young come out to warm up the audience for Page/ Plant.

Flames Go Higher (mp3)

The whole show, from beginning to end, was dirty, raw and vividly sexual - with Hughes' elvis-hips, inviting moustache and highly sexy geek quality...

I Only Want You (mp3)

followed by the Queens of the fucking Stone Age...i'm hopeful that at least 50% of the audience went home to engage in uninhibited physical relations. Best show of 2005, most rock since.....the last time I saw QOTSA (march 2005). Mark Lanegan was not in attendance, and Josh sang all parts quite well - even doing a nice bass twist for "Monsters in the Paresol." QOTSA should be seen at least once but always more, not including televised events (like SNL, which was hilarious - Will Ferrell on cowbell...) stop at nothing to see as many QOTSA shows as you can. Bring your earplugs, do what you must as you age, but don't miss out on this, over and over. You will want to tell your kids.


It would have been nice if my dad had seen Zeppelin.

flying is for Droids

mp3:American Girl

I saw Revenge of The Sith last night at midnight PST. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. I'M NOT KIDDING. SPOILERS.

While drinking wine with one of my cousins back east, giggling, story telling and toasting, she was quick to point out "There's no such thing as retroactive abortion." A pearl which carries weight over into the entertainment industry and never quite made it to the lucasfilm camp. While Revenge Of the Sith is an epic installment for which i've waited 20 years, it falls short in offering a geek like me enough closure to move on past the star wars saga. I am tempted to explain it's lacking areas with what has now become standard lucasfilm practice; is there more material on the way within the next year? Without knowing for sure, I can only comment on the movie i saw and not the one lucas is sure to abort and recreate on a retroactive basis.

Of all the disappointments, the movie is still top notch in terms of animation and comic book action scenes. A thumbs up, but partially because i've been waiting for this movie since elementary school. In fact, i'm unsure if my upward thumb comes from a youthful love of the story itself or just a simple enjoyment of sci fi fantasy action flicks with B-level dialogue.

One glaring missed opportunity and royal disappointment in Revenge of The Sith is that of the Padme/ anakin skywalker story-line. Whereas Luke and Leia's mother could have represented a Galactic heroine, the natural mother to 2 freedom fighters, she is instead portrayed as subdued and average. It's true that in the first two episodes, Padme's personality exudes that of leia's mother. Even as a young girl, she's an intelligent spitfire of a queen, fostering revolutionary ideas for the betterment of a democratic galaxy in a state of peace and prosperity. Dodging negativity while remaining acutely knowledgeable and opinionated. However, her clandestine marriage to Anakin Skywalker and subsequent pregnancy have put her into a state of submission. In Revenge of The Sith, Padme is simply tame. Like the senate and general public, Padme hangs on the obviously evil sith lord, as he announces "the first galactic empire" during a state of chaos. Padme does have one good line "so this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause" - but the concept to which she alludes is quickly negated when anakin convinces her of a jedi plot against the republic. Her unfounded mistrust of Obi-Wan after her dubious observation paints Padme as a flat gullible sheep, while Obi-Wan points out the obvious link between the chancellor and "the sith lord we've been looking for." Suddenly Leia's personality in episodes 4, 5 and 6 are not in sync with the Padme who birthed her. Padme's subservience to the men around her subtracts from the potential story and character arc which are so crucial to the first trilogy (episodes 4, 5 and 6). In Episode 3, Padme believes (and heeds) everything Anakin tells her, her arc is barely a liberty bell curve. Revenge Of The Sith is lucas' worst portrayal of female prowess to date.

In addition to her regular expressions of fear, Padme rarely appears in scenes other than that of her home, waiting for Skywalker's return from a long day at work as a jedi. Her pregnancy is showing, yet her romance with Anakin has not yet been discovered. So as the Observer, somehow I'm supposed to suspend disbelief long enough to accept that in an enlightened galaxy, far far away, where a little green man named yoda speaks in convoluted clauses devoid of conjunctive morphemes, (bordering on broca's aphasia, he is) a pregnant woman who suddenly abandons her strength of character goes unnoticed. Without as much as a glimpse of Padme's life without Anakin, we observe her only as subservient. To then imply that her peers would not notice her intimate relationship with anakin is inconsistent with Padme's social role as told in episodes 1 & 2. And, like every tame woman, padme fosters fear to the point of self destruction.

While Revenge of The Sith abandons all hope for feminine strength, perhaps it is a lack of power-femininity which serves to perpetuate the ensuing rule of The Empire. Problem is, we'll never know.

Other Problems/ Feedback (some actually positive, i swear)

• While Luke's emotions almost take him over to the dark side in Return of The Jedi, it is increasingly difficult to feel Anakin's pain in Revenge of The Sith. I'm not sure this is a dialogue problem as much as it is both a written and editorial problem - Anakin's transformation is rushed. With all the build in episodes 1 & 2 about Anakin's quest to invent machinery to help him cheat death, and emphasis on his engineering talents, Revenge of The Sith places him as a costumed Vader within 2 minutes. Suddenly he's in a black costume, his voice changes, he has breathing apparatus and some sort of electronic panel on his chest. We learn nothing about what this contraption does. All these fucking years - 20 plus years - and lucas leaves the geeks in the dark. Let us in on it, George!



• nice philosophy in this episode, which was largely missing in episodes 1 & 2. Multiple allusions to the role of fear and how it negatively affects the ability to know ourselves. Intuition is clouded by fear. Fear is a path to the dark side. Some levels of fear are healthy, but not stunting. Cheating Death is a dark concept while embracing death is the path toward enlightenment (the force). Yoda readily admits failure and indicates faith in the force by way of great patience and willingness to go into exile. The force is willing to endure suffering to reach peace, the dark side remains afraid of pain, contriving ways to avoid inevitability. Palpatine lures Anakin with a speech about cheating death. Anakin will later find out, when he "kills" Obi-Wan in episode 4, that indeed he could have learned how to harness the force even after death - Anakin just wasn't asking the right questions, and possibly not enough of them. One of my favorite lines only one day after the film's release: "Only a Sith deals in absolutes."



• And in true lucas retro-abortive form, an overt implication in The Empire Strikes Back acts as a segue to the entire plot of the star wars saga, and is ignored (and altered) in Episode 3. Obi-Wan does not know Luke and Leia are twins, as indicated by his comment to Yoda in Empire about Luke as "the only hope," To which Yoda replies "There is another." However, Lucas' latest ammendment shows Obi-Wan present at the birth of both Luke and Leia. Wouldn't he remember by the time Empire rolls around that Luke has a twin, and wouldn't his super-jedi-buddhist-psyche at least intuitively lead him to believe Leia was not in close proximity to Luke....? It's weak to ask this question as it's right there in front of us. As a kid i thought Obi-Wan didn't know about Leia. As an adult I find out he knew the whole time. Oh well. At least there's still American Graffitti.



• don't worry, jar jar doesn't speak. Revenge of The Sith relies on our old favorites, chewbacca, r2d2, a little 3po - but not a new insertion of comic relief fit for your happy meal. Nice use of abbot/ costello between Obi-Wan, Anakin and R2D2. Those old warm fuzzys came right back the minute i heard the word "wookie" and that's not just because Ralph Wiggum uses it well in an old simpsons episode.



• Any time Samuel L Jackson says anything, at anytime, he should follow it with "motherfucker."
  

Overall, and this will get edited because that is how i operate, not unlike lucas i guess, i'll go with a thumbs up level grade of C for Revenge of The Sith. An average orgasm after years of foreplay. I was hoping to make love for at least 2 hours, but instead feel kind of like a piece of meat. i need a shower. but will definitely go back for more. why not.

North East West South (NEWS)

Washingtonians, in a very general sense, are news-obsessed.

DC far from represents the very country it leads. Philosophers of political punditry on street corners, driving circles (i.e. dupont circle, macarthur circle, and on), greco-roman architecture, embassy row, georgetown - a beautiful city full of culture and diversity with kick ass public transportation. I went to elementary school with children from all over the world, attended the national symphony orchestra at the kennedy center twice a semester (paid for by tax dollars) and got a private school education at a very public institution. The ruling class of DC
suburbia, mainly montgomery county, directly affects the city it surrounds without having to deal with the drawbacks of inner city life, not to mention outer city life in towns like Moncks Corner, South Carolina - population 3k, public transport opportunity: zero. Yet here sit the men and women we elect to represent us, in a city reminiscent of europe rather than underscoring it's own supposed american identity. This is obviously not a new concept - anyone who's read The Great Gatsby or Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas knows at least a little about the variations of the american dream. The Rockefeller experience is not par for the course, it's unique to consumerist culture.

As far as DC's political identity, nothing would please me more than to see a massive overhaul of the elite. An overstated dream by many, i know, but worth the effort of banging on the keyboard. then again, I'm tired (again) and have another long day in front of me.

Visiting my hometown - The Washington Area - is cause for many notes in my journal regarding what i will blog upon my return to caifornia. You have quite a few treats ahead, mr. norris. More tits, philosophy, sexuality, music, articles, heroines and a twist of personality, all fueled by a surrounding culture which revels in promoting the least harmful. It's the zealots of the least harmful mainstream who have control now. They are reuniting with their other least harmful friends, reliving the glory days - on CAPITOL HILL. And let's face it, most of them are men.

Fuck the least harmful - let's find out who and what the mainstream fears. Just so we can throw it back at them. Pie in the face? that's nothing. The underbelly of pop culture is planning a revolution, as it always has. I'm unafraid. And I pity the fool.

and....
it's late. I'm tired. this was just a tease.
goodnight mrs. calabash, wherever you are......

Being Santiago

Well, it's been a few days since my last entry and already the emails are flowing in. "CD you haven't blogged in a few days" "CD why aren't you blogging" and all i can say is, I've been a bit busy. Travelling East, braving perhaps the bumpiest most terror-alert-diverted landing ever, which can't compare to the subsequent (and still ongoing) barrage of plans for my scheduled beautification by my mom. Clearly I have not shared this url with her. Today was Pedicure/ Manicure - neither of which i wanted particularly, both of which my mom scheduled for me. I am not complaining, i attended, got lotion rubbed all over my hands and feet. I just always feel so strange when someone pampers my feet - who am i to ask them to provide such a service? who cares? this is not what i am going to blog about after 4 days of silence. All i'm saying is - there's something weird about paying someone to paint dead skin cells. It's one of those behaviors to be examined in another 10k years and falsely determined as medicinal practice. "Women and occasionally men painted their nails to prevent the spread of the self-acceptance-virus." Then again, i like to dye my hair, and those are also dead skin cells. Just another hypocrite blogger, staring in the mirror. Your Fallible heroine, on call. And back to business. I'll be brief. I'm exhausted.

I re-read The Alchemist on the plane. And as many books do the third go around later in life, it widened my psyche. The Alchemist is like reading an ayn rand book on valium. Philosophy, packaged in a short 150 page story about asking questions and eluding answers; spinning the mundane into golden consciousness. "I'm an alchemist simply because I'm an alchemist" - it's Plato's Know Thyself in different packaging.

"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation, and, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." (p.22)

So once again, the obstacle to destiny and enlightenment is....fear. Fear keeps us from understanding who we are, where we belong, and asking questions. Fear prevents the vastness of destiny, eroding stereo to monotone.

The Alchemist's Santiago bipassed his training at seminary to instead become a shepherd - yet as his journey progresses he grows into natural priesthood of the mind.

While part of human consciousness, fear earns our attention as we learn how to succumb or overcome. Destiny needs an invitation from the subconscious, a level which can exist on it's own outside of consciousness. fearless choice and possibility turns the subconscious into an alchemist. The rest is up to us.

no mp3 or picture today, maybe tomorrow if i can get the wireless going.



happy Alchemist Day. AD. Enjoy AD.

(For A Girl)

Meg White Is Hot In The Cold Cold Night

Meg White is Pretty Good Looking (for a girl)

Spreading the word of buxom dames destined to rule the world is tough work. In the morning i blog about her and wind up spending the rest of my day trying to embody the virtues i tout online. Scaring away little boys left and right. Strutting down the street to the tune of every hobo's ooh and ah and "nice shirt" and Friday's "hey sweet thing."

So today is the day of Meg White. Another top ten heroine, this one a living breathing musician. Today I'll walk around with drumsticks.

Amidst superior rock n roll, red, white, and black, we meet another warrior woman, shattering the traditional view of american feminine "values."

The key to meg is her facade of inhibition. She's a dirty shy girl with a very loud pulse to which we've all been made privy. Mesmerizing to watch on stage, sexually exciting to both women and men, her enigmatic image is the antithesis of her talent on stage (and in the studio). It's in Meg's talent where we learn the most about her.

Look, I know you see her large breasts in the picture. I see them too. Her nipples are erect. I see that too - it's a hot hot photo, that's why i picked it. And I'm here to tell you that it's hard to play drums with large breasts. It's hard to run, difficult to play a lot of sports - it can hurt, truly. Sports bras need replacing more often than running shoes. So to get the sexual aspect of meg's breasts out of the way, let's just say she's quite a drummer in terms of endurance if nothing else.

Musically, Meg's stylish power swing underscores Jack's calculated riffs, with superior arm strength exactly when necessary.

here's an example from Elephant:
Black Math

The White Stripes are deeply rooted in image, because they can be. The music is top notch, the rest is experience. Perhaps inadvertantly, Jack White demonstrates what it looks like for a man to surrender. His beat is a confident woman, and he's louder for it. With crunches, solos and vocal yearning, Jack leads Meg toward a sexier loss of inhibition. On stage, she looks right at him before pounding out a fearless 4 count. They need each other.

While some feminists might find meg's recurring quiet "behind the frontman" attitude as repressive, it's actually a more powerful position. Let's face it, lots of guys are scared of girls who rock. The mystery of meg to a general mainstream public is not her lacking interviews and overt shyness, but her choice to express herself with a drum kit. Power. She doesn't look like jennifer aniston, or cameron diaz, or pamela anderson, she looks like the creative girl in high school the jocks made fun of (but really wanted to fuck).

Now she can make your chest pound. You can't stop looking at her. She's more powerful than mere mortal men, and she's got drums and sticks with which to bang.

That's hot.

Today is Meg White Day. MWD. happy MWD.

The New Valkyrie

The New Valkyrie in Postmodern Culture

Trinity: I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question, Neo. It's the question that drives us. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
Neo: What is the Matrix?
Trinity: The answer is out there, Neo, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.

Trinity: My name's Trinity.
Neo: *The* Trinity? Who cracked the IRS d-base?
Trinity: That was a long time ago.
Neo: Jesus...
Trinity: What?
Neo: I just thought... you were a guy.
Trinity: Most guys do.

It's a good time to be a woman who believes in heroines.

The new conceptual Valkyrie in post-modern culture is one of strength and endurance. She is free, willing, able and fearless in the same way male heroes have appeared in modern culture. We see winged women in newer stories like Kill Bill, Sin City, The Matrix and others as naturally powerful, autonomous and earning reverence prior to their introduction. I've heard critique of the way in which the Goddess now appears - violent, fighting, bloody. The Goddess emerges as violent to survive in the world man created. Stylistic misinterpretations of aramaic and tradition have lead to misconceptions of ancient philosophies, with the margin of error favoring male dominance & female ignorance.

One of my favorite ancient customs in Judaism is the mikvah. A ritual female-only hot bath, occurring on a lunar cycle (i.e. the feminine cycle) designed to cleanse the body & spirit. While there are both negative and positive interpretations of this ritual, I find it quite beautiful, revering the woman enough to prepare her a bath, all in accordance with a lunar cycle, an undeniable link to femininity. At the same time, my ancestors participated in behavior such as separating women from the Torah. I've read varying takes on this tradition. I've decided to believe in a different perspective. My favorite came from a slightly sophist dyke professor. allow me to paraphrase.

Studying the Torah requires agonizing hours of argumentation and study. The revered Jewish woman contains this knowledge innately and has no need to suffer through a learning process with which she was already born. It is her intuition, her specific brand of closeness to g-d that dictates she need not spend her time on interpreting the word of the Universe, because she was born with it.

Trinity & The Matrix
Trinity is one of my top ten heroines. And it's not just because she can kick some serious ass. Like all my favorites, she is fallible, while simultaneously powerful and virtuous. Her strength of character grows from her ability to believe, she's learned to control her fears but remains fallible in love; Trinity is willingly flawed by her fated involvement with the anomaly of love - neo.

Without reviewing the trilogy itself, comparing movie quality etc (that's so 2003), here is a look at the progression of Trinity and Neo, in brief.

-Trinity is shot, she is vulnerable & unconscious and she is in Neo's arms, Neo is holding her
- Neo saves Trinity by touching her heart
- Trinity returns the favor by mentioning the word "love" to Neo (it wakes him up)
- Trinity shows a slight sign of jealousy in the scene w/ persephone, quickly restores faith in neo, allows him to kiss persephone and remains fearless, unscathed, unaffected, and even more powerful
- Trinity is fully functional independent of Neo

As Valkyrie, Trinity escorts Neo to a necessary end, therefore fulfilling her own duty as heroine

As the Goddess emerges with wings, swords and power, she instills fear in most men. In the dawn of the new Valkyrie, femininity is the muse of all questions.

You have been warned

on that note, it's also fun to play dress up but heels are stupid.

2 mp3s today, dedicated to trinity & neo:

Yo La Tengo "Stockholm Syndrome"

Yo La Tengo "Our Way To Fall"

(to keep them, right click/ save as)

Bride of Chucky

Lunar Excursion Module, NASM

Good news for Sirius - after a week of news and pissed off liberals regarding AAR's exclusive move to XM, Sirius announced that NPR joined the Sirius family (exclusively). I subscribe to both satellite carriers and have done so for 2 years now. Since the advent of satellite radio, the only time my terrestrial radio is in the "on" position is for Stern. He's headed to Sirius Satellite Radio in 2006.

I enjoy choice, the opportunity of infinite possibility, and the Federal Communications Commission is attempting to affect my choices. It may be doubtful any senator will succeed in violating the sanctity of paid service subscriptions to satellite, but the very threat of abolishing all that is considered indecent by a few white-ish ivy league frat boy skull & bones politicians & their latent female cohorts is proof that every positive charge generates an equally negative shock with which it must compete. I've read enough AP articles introducing Stern as "Foul Mouthed Howard Stern" or "Shock Jock Howard Stern" - this from the wire we call "associated press." Journalists with stagnant jobs need people like Stern as much as the politicians who use STern as a scapegoat for their personal guilt over sexual freedom. The Common Good needs Stern to help expose lousy journalism and gullible screeners who feed "news" to the general public on a daily basis. Every day a stern fan calls into a news show with a false claim, and every day the screeners let him/ her in. It isn't a foul mouthed culture to me, it's wise exposure of a faulty foul mouthed media. It's Chuck Palahniuk's Project Mayhem. It's the death of terrestrial radio and the exposure of journalism as nothing more than a pack of lawyers without a courtroom. A lot of us have been working very hard to help this process along.

Here at the dawn of the digital age we are watching entire systems of communication change according to personal choice. In the long tail marketing arena, pop culture becomes personalized and niche oriented. As we continue to fragment, we essentially remain part of the same composte heap. The motherboard of my apple looks no different than Chicago from 30k feet. In an attempt to embrace efficiency we have galvanized communicative entropy. Somehow we are becoming a population divided by those who revel in their new options, using them to change, and those who remain part of the drive toward stasis.

On a humorous note, as I'm listening to Stern right now - I just heard an ad (on terrestrial radio) for "Napster, it's the new radio" - comforting to know that terrestrial radio isn't just dying, it's committing suicide. It's opting for an end. Unwittingly facilitating change.

As our own philosopher kings, we learn about chioces and participating in the act of making them...which is why the push against a subjective concept like "decency" merely serves as the means to a dumbed-down end. What a waste of time it is to make rules about more rules just so we can make more rules. I have a tough enough time understanding the Torah. Choosing to dumb-down, choosing to engage in the idea that decency requires a mandate is a sign of fear.

Ignorance of any issue is a choice - imposing mediocrity and operating in accordance with such an imposition is a choice, and it perpetuated ww2. In this day It exists in multiple formats - politics, the major labels, etc. Exclusive Social Groups of people who impose mediocrity out of fear of what seems unacceptable or "indecent" - and thoughts of "indecency" lead to mistrust and anger. Fearful humans without virtue who opt for anger over knowledge. Stuck in the cave. Their allegory is one with little kinetic value, by choice. Manipulating their own energy so as to remain stagnant. Allowing themselves to peak without ever looking up.

well.....fuck that. don't tell me my sister's ugly, get her a date.

btw, i'm coming east next week. Here's an mp3. Takako Minekawa "Fantastic Cat" (right click/ save as....)

...and speaking of Project Mayhem, here are 2 things you can do today to annoy a corporation near you:
1) repeatedly fax pieces of black construction paper
2) do what this guy does: My Hero (incidentally, i want to bear his children)

Here, There And Everywhere

listen to Here, There And Everywhere

I read this thread on the rope this morning, no confirmation yet:


Jacko Shocked: Bank Sells Out Beatle Loan
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
By Roger Friedman
Michael Jackson was reportedly shocked Wednesday when he received word that Bank of America sold him out.
I can tell you exclusively that Bank of America has sold Jackson's $270 million in loans to a private hedge fund. The group is called Fortress Investments, located in Manhattan. Their principals are Peter L. Briger Jr., formerly with Goldman Sachs; plus Wesley R. Edens, Robert I. Kauffman, Randal A. Nardone, and Michael E. Novogratz — all with substantial backgrounds in finance. Their specialty, according to their Web site, is rescuing "undervalued, orphaned and distressed investments throughout the United States, Western Europe and Japan."
With this sale, Fortress now stands to become a 50 percent owner in Sony/ATV Music Publishing if Jackson should default on the loan. Technically, he is currently in default. Further, Jackson's deal with Sony comes to an end this December, at which time the company can buy him out for $200 million if he can't come up with a new buyer or enough money to pay back the loan. The Fortress deal is also rumored to include a $70 million loan Jackson has on his own publishing catalog, called MiJac.
Jackson was apparently shocked, according to sources, when he got word about the sale on Wednesday morning from Bank of America. He had previously rejected a deal that would have netted him money, cleared debt, and left him in good shape with people who were longtime friends. But now he's in business with strangers.

Best Voice Mail of 2005 (so far)

Trinity on The Phone

Drunk Dialing.


When i think of all the stuff that wouldn't have happened if not for the disproportional urges to both drink and use the phone.... We're just monkeys, really. Give us a toy and we play. Thanks to drunk dialing, I got this epic message on Sunday night (keep in mind it is sunday, this is significant to the message itself).

click here to hear

Life Of Herbie

Fletch is home! Paul Simon "Mother & Child Reunion"

I met fletch's alternate universe today. At about 2:30 somewhere in my gray matter, i had a fleeting moment of clarity - and for an instant knew i would have Fletch back before night rolled in.

At 3:15 my phone rang. Behold.The Call I Was Waiting For. We all wonder what if....Fletch got the chance to experience it. Since Wednesday Sweet Fletcher of Normandy has been living in South Park (San Diego) with another dog (half greyhound half dalmation) & two cats. When i was there, i even saw an iBook G4 just like mine. (but not nearly as smart). A nice 30-ish couple took him in, renamed him Herbie, bought him a bed, he had a yard, toys, they bought him a new collar.......and a new food brand. Evidently the female member of this couple went to get a killer cut & dye job in Hillcrest, an area MelvinVanNebula plastered with flyers. Not noticing any of them, she told her hairdresser about her new dog Herbie. And because the universe is really a vast expanse of nonlinear time where so little makes sense that everything becomes predictable, the hairdresser told her about the "Lost Dalmatian" signs......soon thereafter my phone rang. I'm sure you have some of the same questions i had. well, have. but i've decided to stop asking Why and focus my energy instead on Thank You. What a solid group of friends and family i have. The support and energy you gave is what brought us back together. Otherwise, Fletch might know life through the eyes of a dog named Herbie, and there's a lot of comfort there. I only hope that at least 32 of my alternate parallell universe lives are as pleasant as 2 of Fletch's.

Fletch. a man of many disguises. He's an old guy. Right back to sleeping next to my chair. Where he belongs.

Little Lisa & American Anti-Intellectualism

Lisa S

Lisa & American Anti-Intellectualism is the title of an essay written by Aeon J. Skoble, published in The Simpsons & Philosophy - a book that i wont link to from here b/c i'm not trying to sell you anything.

here is Skoble's thesis, 4 paragraphs in:

"So, it is fair to say that American society is conflicted about intellectuals. Respect for them seems virtually to go hand in hand with resentment. This is a puzzling social problem, and also one of great importance, for we seem to be on the verge of a new 'dark ages,' where not only then otion of expertise, but all standards of rationality are being challenged. This clearly has significant social consequences. As a vehicle for exploring this issue, it may be surprising to choose a TV show which, at first glance, seems devoted to the idea that dumber is better; but actually, of the many things that The Simpsons skillfully illustrates about society, the American ambivalence about expertise and rationality is clearly one of them.
On The Simpsons, Homer is a classic example of an anti-intellectual dolt, as are most of his acquaintances, and his son. But his daughter, Lisa, is not only pro-intellectual, she is smart beyond her years. 8-) She is extremely intelligent and sophisticated, and is often seen out-thinking those around her. Naturally, for this she is mocked by the other children at school and generally ignored by the adults. On the other hand, her favorite TV show is the same one as her brother's: a mindlessly violent cartoon. Her treatment on the show, I argue, captures the love-hate relationship American society has with intellectuals. Before turning to the ways in which it does this, let's have a closer look at the problem."

Skoble supports his thesis well, including sections on Fallacious Authority & Real Expertise/ Do We Admire Or Laugh At Lisa and a section which i'll explore briefly so i can get back to work...Philospher Kings, D'oh.

before i transcribe the Philosopher King section verbatim, maybe it's best to start with a brief reminder about Plato's Allegory Of The Cave. The general public are prisoners locked in a cave, experiencing reality through shadows on the wall. The prisoner's complete life experience is dictated by the shadowed images and their physical status as prisoner eludes them. The question lies in how they wake, and through a socratic method, philosophers have since been exploring the concept of Philosopher King. It's complicated. What isn't. here's the closing section of Skoble's essay. i'll put a link to the book at the bottom...

Philosopher Kings? D'oh!
A more specific instance of the way The Simpsons reflects American ambivalence towards the intellectual is found in the episode "They Saved Lisa's Brain." In this episode, Lisa joins the local chapter of Mensa, which already includes Professor Frink, Dr. Hibbert, and the Comic Book Guy. Together they end up in charge of Springfield. Lisa rhapsodizes 8-) about the rule of the intellecutals, a true rationalist utopia, but too many of their programs alienate the regular citizens of the town (including, of course, Homer, who leads the charge of the idiot brigade). It would be easy enough to see this sequence of events as a satire on the way the average person is too stupid to recognize the rule of the wise, but more than that is being satirized here. Also under attack is the very notion of rule of the wise - the Mensans have some legitimately good ideas (more rational traffic patterns), but also some ridiculous ones (censorship, mting rituals inspired by Star Trek), and they squabble amongst themselves. The Mensans offer something of value, especially in contrast to the corrupt regime of Mayor Quimby or the reign of idiocy that Homer represents, and Lisa's intentions are good, but it is impossible to see this episode as unequivocally pro-intellectual, since one theme is clearly that utopian schemes by elites are unstable, inevitably unpopular, and sometimes foolish. ...In Lisa's challenge to Springfield, the show calls attention to the cultural limitations of small-town America, but it also reminds us that intellectual disdain for the common man can be carried too far and that theory can all too easily lose touch with common sense.

[there's more, it's a good read ]

Now, here's a quick addition from me. Lisa is also our narrator. Explaining the story as it moves in larger terms, voicing the subconscious perception of both the writers and audience.

i have to work now. here's a link to the book, it's not an affiliate link or anything spammy like that, it's just so you can see what it looks like because i feel nice today.

i'll put an mp3 up at some point. come back.

Case For The Empire

Still B Kiddo

Forget everything I said. I am Beatrix Kiddo and I got right the fuck back up! That said, I have to reconfigure my entire dwelling space in the name of ergonomics - I have a second computer in my room. a PC of all things. It's running right now, but the way i have it set up makes it all the more uncomfortable to use. So while i do that, I'll steer my blog toward Star Wars for a moment. For Fletch updates, Click Here.

This article by Johnathan V. Last from The Weekly Standard explores the bureaucratic fallacy of the Galactic Republic versus a supposed dark Empire - making The Case For The Empire. While I've been struck since childhood by the philosophies in Star Wars regarding light and dark, this is by far one of my favorite articles on the Star Wars saga:

The Case for the Empire
From the May 16, 2002 Daily Standard:
Everything you think you know about Star Wars is wrong.
by Jonathan V. Last
12/26/2002 12:00:00 AM

STAR WARS RETURNS today with its fifth installment, "Attack of the Clones." There will be talk of the Force and the Dark Side and the epic morality of George Lucas's series. But the truth is that from the beginning, Lucas confused the good guys with the bad. The deep lesson of Star Wars is that the Empire is good.

It's a difficult leap to make--embracing Darth Vader and the Emperor over the plucky and attractive Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia--but a careful examination of the facts, sorted apart from Lucas's off-the-shelf moral cues, makes a quite convincing case.

First, an aside: For the sake of this discussion, I've considered only the history gleaned from the actual Star Wars films, not the Expanded Universe. If you know what the Expanded Universe is and want to argue that no discussion of Star Wars can be complete without considering material outside the canon, that's fine. However, it's always been my view that the comic books and novels largely serve to clean up Lucas's narrative and philosophical messes. Therefore, discussions of intrinsic intent must necessarily revolve around the movies alone. You may disagree, but please don't e-mail me about it.

If you don't know what the Expanded Universe is, well, uh, neither do I.

I. The Problems with the Galactic Republic

At the beginning of the Star Wars saga, the known universe is governed by the Galactic Republic. The Republic is controlled by a Senate, which is, in turn, run by an elected chancellor who's in charge of procedure, but has little real power.

Scores of thousands of planets are represented in the Galactic Senate, and as we first encounter it, it is sclerotic and ineffectual. The Republic has grown over many millennia to the point where there are so many factions and disparate interests, that it is simply too big to be governable. Even the Republic's staunchest supporters recognize this failing: In "The Phantom Menace," Queen Amidala admits, "It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions." In "Attack of the Clones," young Anakin Skywalker observes that it simply "doesn't work."

The Senate moves so slowly that it is powerless to stop aggression between member states. In "The Phantom Menace" a supra-planetary alliance, the Trade Federation (think of it as OPEC to the Galactic Republic's United Nations), invades a planet and all the Senate can agree to do is call for an investigation.

Like the United Nations, the Republic has no armed forces of its own, but instead relies on a group of warriors, the Jedi knights, to "keep the peace." The Jedi, while autonomous, often work in tandem with the Senate, trying to smooth over quarrels and avoid conflicts. But the Jedi number only in the thousands--they cannot protect everyone.

What's more, it's not clear that they should be "protecting" anyone. The Jedi are Lucas's great heroes, full of Zen wisdom and righteous power. They encourage people to "use the Force"--the mystical energy which is the source of their power--but the truth, revealed in "The Phantom Menace," is that the Force isn't available to the rabble. The Force comes from midi-chlorians, tiny symbiotic organisms in people's blood, like mitochondria. The Force, it turns out, is an inherited, genetic trait. If you don't have the blood, you don't get the Force. Which makes the Jedi not a democratic militia, but a royalist Swiss guard.

And an arrogant royalist Swiss guard, at that. With one or two notable exceptions, the Jedi we meet in Star Wars are full of themselves. They ignore the counsel of others (often with terrible consequences), and seem honestly to believe that they are at the center of the universe. When the chief Jedi record-keeper is asked in "Attack of the Clones" about a planet she has never heard of, she replies that if it's not in the Jedi archives, it doesn't exist. (The planet in question does exist, again, with terrible consequences.)

In "Attack of the Clones," a mysterious figure, Count Dooku, leads a separatist movement of planets that want to secede from the Republic. Dooku promises these confederates smaller government, unlimited free trade, and an "absolute commitment to capitalism." Dooku's motives are suspect--it's not clear whether or not he believes in these causes. However, there's no reason to doubt the motives of the other separatists--they seem genuinely to want to make a fresh start with a government that isn't bloated and dysfunctional.

The Republic, of course, is eager to quash these separatists, but they never make a compelling case--or any case, for that matter--as to why, if they are such a freedom-loving regime, these planets should not be allowed to check out of the Republic and take control of their own destinies.

II. The Empire

We do not yet know the exact how's and why's, but we do know this: At some point between the end of Episode II and the beginning of Episode IV, the Republic is replaced by an Empire. The first hint comes in "Attack of the Clones," when the Senate's Chancellor Palpatine is granted emergency powers to deal with the separatists. It spoils very little to tell you that Palpatine eventually becomes the Emperor. For a time, he keeps the Senate in place, functioning as a rubber-stamp, much like the Roman imperial senate, but a few minutes into Episode IV, we are informed that the he has dissolved the Senate, and that "the last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away."

Lucas wants the Empire to stand for evil, so he tells us that the Emperor and Darth Vader have gone over to the Dark Side and dresses them in black.

But look closer. When Palpatine is still a senator, he says, "The Republic is not what it once was. The Senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates. There is no interest in the common good." At one point he laments that "the bureaucrats are in charge now."

Palpatine believes that the political order must be manipulated to produce peace and stability. When he mutters, "There is no civility, there is only politics," we see that at heart, he's an esoteric Straussian.

Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet. It's a dictatorship people can do business with. They collect taxes and patrol the skies. They try to stop organized crime (in the form of the smuggling rings run by the Hutts). The Empire has virtually no effect on the daily life of the average, law-abiding citizen.

Also, unlike the divine-right Jedi, the Empire is a meritocracy. The Empire runs academies throughout the galaxy (Han Solo begins his career at an Imperial academy), and those who show promise are promoted, often rapidly. In "The Empire Strikes Back" Captain Piett is quickly promoted to admiral when his predecessor "falls down on the job."

And while it's a small point, the Empire's manners and decorum speak well of it. When Darth Vader is forced to employ bounty hunters to track down Han Solo, he refuses to address them by name. Even Boba Fett, the greatest of all trackers, is referred to icily as "bounty hunter." And yet Fett understands the protocol. When he captures Solo, he calls him "Captain Solo." (Whether this is in deference to Han's former rank in the Imperial starfleet, or simply because Han owns and pilots his own ship, we don't know. I suspect it's the former.)

But the most compelling evidence that the Empire isn't evil comes in "The Empire Strikes Back" when Darth Vader is battling Luke Skywalker. After an exhausting fight, Vader is poised to finish Luke off, but he stays his hand. He tries to convert Luke to the Dark Side with this simple plea: "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. . . . Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy." It is here we find the real controlling impulse for the Dark Side and the Empire. The Empire doesn't want slaves or destruction or "evil." It wants order.

None of which is to say that the Empire isn't sometimes brutal. In Episode IV, Imperial stormtroopers kill Luke's aunt and uncle and Grand Moff Tarkin orders the destruction of an entire planet, Alderaan. But viewed in context, these acts are less brutal than they initially appear. Poor Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen reach a grisly end, but only after they aid the rebellion by hiding Luke and harboring two fugitive droids. They aren't given due process, but they are traitors.

The destruction of Alderaan is often cited as ipso facto proof of the Empire's "evilness" because it seems like mass murder--planeticide, even. As Tarkin prepares to fire the Death Star, Princess Leia implores him to spare the planet, saying, "Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons." Her plea is important, if true.

But the audience has no reason to believe that Leia is telling the truth. In Episode IV, every bit of information she gives the Empire is willfully untrue. In the opening, she tells Darth Vader that she is on a diplomatic mission of mercy, when in fact she is on a spy mission, trying to deliver schematics of the Death Star to the Rebel Alliance. When asked where the Alliance is headquartered, she lies again.

Leia's lies are perfectly defensible--she thinks she's serving the greater good--but they make her wholly unreliable on the question of whether or not Alderaan really is peaceful and defenseless. If anything, since Leia is a high-ranking member of the rebellion and the princess of Alderaan, it would be reasonable to suspect that Alderaan is a front for Rebel activity or at least home to many more spies and insurgents like Leia.

Whatever the case, the important thing to recognize is that the Empire is not committing random acts of terror. It is engaged in a fight for the survival of its regime against a violent group of rebels who are committed to its destruction.

III. After the Rebellion

As we all know from the final Star Wars installment, "Return of the Jedi," the rebellion is eventually successful. The Emperor is assassinated, Darth Vader abdicates his post and dies, the central governing apparatus of the Empire is destroyed in a spectacular space battle, and the rebels rejoice with their small, annoying Ewok friends. But what happens next?

(There is a raft of literature on this point, but, as I said at the beginning, I'm going to ignore it because it doesn't speak to Lucas's original intent.)

In Episode IV, after Grand Moff Tarkin announces that the Imperial Senate has been abolished, he's asked how the Emperor can possibly hope to keep control of the galaxy. "The regional governors now have direct control over territories," he says. "Fear will keep the local systems in line."

So under Imperial rule, a large group of regional potentates, each with access to a sizable army and star destroyers, runs local affairs. These governors owe their fealty to the Emperor. And once the Emperor is dead, the galaxy will be plunged into chaos.

In all of the time we spend observing the Rebel Alliance, we never hear of their governing strategy or their plans for a post-Imperial universe. All we see are plots and fighting. Their victory over the Empire doesn't liberate the galaxy--it turns the galaxy into Somalia writ large: dominated by local warlords who are answerable to no one.

Which makes the rebels--Lucas's heroes--an unimpressive crew of anarchic royals who wreck the galaxy so that Princess Leia can have her tiara back.

I'll take the Empire.


the article is right here

an mp3: Mr. Bungle "Retrovertigo" - enjoy